


The Unwilling Omega’s Family

by RikuNghts



Series: Karasuno Omegas [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, But they go through hell to get there, Child Loss, Depression, Graphic Description, I promise this will end happily, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Omegaverse, Postpartum Depression, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:20:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 38,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27477946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RikuNghts/pseuds/RikuNghts
Summary: Tsukishima sees the look of envy Kuroo has every time they visit Bokuto, Akaashi, and their son.He wants Kuroo to have everything. But sometimes life just has its own plans.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Yachi Hitoka/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: Karasuno Omegas [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1106778
Comments: 256
Kudos: 594





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome back everyone! This might be the final installment with Kuroo and Tsukishima in this series. This series contains original child characters and depictions of omega pregnancy. I will warn you that there is a lot of angst in this story, so read the warning carefully. When there’s a particularly tough chapter I will post warning up here. 
> 
> This was intended to be a four chapter short but I already have five chapters written and about half done. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and thank you for comments and kudos.

Tsukishima didn’t want a kid. Originally. And even though Kuroo never said anything about it, he knew that he did. He could see it every time they visited Bokuto, Akaashi, and their baby. Bokuto was the proudest father ever, constantly showing off his son and praising him for everything from eating his first vegetables to throwing up all over him in a technicolor display. And Kuroo would laugh and say “Glad it wasn’t me!” But Tsukishima could see the longing in his eyes. Could feel the twinge of resentment through their shared connection. He knew Kuroo better than anyone, after all. And even though, when they got in their car to leave at night, Kuroo said “Thank God we can go home and get away from this when we’re done visiting,” he knew it was a lie. 

Maybe time and age had changed him. Maybe seeing their closest friends so happy and content in life made him reconsider. Maybe it was these damn hormones from smelling the content coming from Akaashi or even the scent of the baby. Either way, every time they got home, he felt like it was empty. And that emptiness weighed on him. 

He knew Kuroo would be a great father. But he wasn’t so sure of himself. What did he have to offer? He wasn’t very maternal or paternal. He wasn’t much of anything, really. He was sarcastic and he loved his banter with Kuroo. He supposed he was affectionate, but only in private with Kuroo. When they were in public he brushed it off which never failed to amuse his mate. 

What would they even do with a baby? Their apartment would have to change. They had a two bedroom, sure, but the other room was a home office for Kuroo and doubled as a workspace for himself when he was doing research and grant writing. Should they move to a three bedroom apartment? Could they even afford the cost of that with the addition of needing money for the baby? Besides, he liked their apartment and their neighborhood. And he also liked his quiet. Sure he didn’t like it after visits, but overall the silence suited him, and when it didn’t, he put on his headphones. 

And what about work? Would one of them have to give it up? Akaashi was able to work from home for his job. It wouldn’t work for either himself or Kuroo. He worked at the museum and still played for his team, and Kuroo was often on the road. They could put the kid in a day program, but that cost money and just the thought of it didn’t sit right with him. His parents were retired now, but that didn’t mean he could push the kid off on them, right? 

It started eating at him. The more he tried to put it off, the more he thought about it. Kuroo noticed, too. They were eating dinner one night and Kuroo had been talking but he was running a budget through his head. 

“Kei?”

He glanced up to see the worried look on his mate’s face.

“What?”

“I asked if you were okay.”

He snorted. “Of course I’m okay. Why would you ask that?”

“Because you’ve been spaced out for the last ten minutes? You haven’t heard a word I said.”

“You were talking about work.”

“And then I asked if you wanted to visit your parents this week.”

He flushed. “Sorry. I was trying to figure out a budgeting problem. For the museum.” 

Kuroo gave him that shrewd look he always gave someone when he knew they were covering something up. He wasn’t the only one who could read emotions, even if Tsukishima was better. “Having trouble getting a grant through?”

“Well...I mean we still haven’t heard back, but I have to think about what happens if we don’t get the grant.” The more he talked the easier it was to lie. Besides, he had been thinking about budgets. Just…not for work. 

“You seem stressed.”

“Yes.”

“Lucky for you I know just how to help you de-stress.” 

Tsukishima tilted his head to the side, wondering what Kuroo was up to as he stood, leaving his dinner unfinished. 

Before he could ask what he was doing, he was pulled out of his chair and, despite his tall frame, tossed over Kuroo’s broad shoulders. “Tetsu!” he yelped, his head hanging low on Kuroo’s back as he was carried down the hall and into their bedroom. He huffed as he was unceremoniously tossed on the bed where it creaked dangerously. “We didn’t finish dinner!”

“I’ll be eating. You can eat later.” Kuroo licked his lips and pulled his shirt over his head. 

Tsukishima’s mouth instantly watered. His mate had broad shoulders and a sculpted chest from years of playing volleyball and still keeping fit despite his job. His chest tapered down to a narrow waist and hips that fit perfectly between Tsukishima’s legs. 

He didn’t mean to whine, but he did as just a little slick slipped from his hole. It didn’t happen often when he wasn’t in heat, but then he was rarely this turned on. 

“I know something is bothering you, and it’s not work. You can’t hide from me, Kei. I know you better than anyone else.”

“Not better than myself,” he couldn’t help but quip. Kuroo’s response was to tear down his pants and pull him up to tug the shirt over his head. 

“Flip. Ass up.” 

Tsukishima shivered and did as Kuroo said as he kicked off his own pants. He felt the warmth from Kuroo’s body before he felt the hand slide down his back. 

“You look good like this, Kei.” Fingers dug into his hips. The bed dipped as he climbed up behind him. Those hands slid down to his thighs and pushed them further open, exposing him completely. He gasped when fingers rubbed against his rim, spreading the slick. A tongue replaced the fingers and he moaned. 

“Taste good, too.”

They were far from the teens they used to be. As they’d gotten older and had more time together, their embarrassment had dropped away. Tsukishima wasn’t afraid to be loud anymore, and Kuroo loved to talk dirty when they fucked. And Tsukishima loved it. The first time Kuroo had let his thoughts slip had been awkward. They are still newer in their relationship and they froze, looked at each other, and laughed. No laughing about it now. Just moans and slaps of skin on skin. 

When Kuroo was done and had his fill, fingers replaced his tongue and pressed inside. “Loose already.” 

“Hard not to be.” 

“I’m going to fuck you until you tell me what’s really going on.” 

“Well we‘ll be at this for awhile then because nothing’s wrong. Are you sure you can keep up?”

“You know better than anyone I can go all night.” On that last word he pushed inside and Tsukishima let out a short cry. He muffled it as Kuroo slid home. 

He rocked his hips forward a little, pushing Tsukishima into the mattress. Then he positioned his knees better, bracing his thighs against the back of Tsukishima’s, gripped his hips, and fucked him into the mattress. 

Tsukishima moaned and cried out whenever he hit his prostate. It didn’t take long for him to come and collapse on the bed. But Kuroo was far from done. His stamina was something to behold and he really wasn’t kidding when he said he could go all night. Of course not being in heat, after a while Tsukishima got too sensitive. 

Kuroo let him catch his breath, staying hard inside his body. When he was breathing normally again, Kuroo helped him move onto his back and then resumed his thrusts. Tsukishima wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him down for a sloppy kiss. He wrapped his legs around his waist and dug his nails into his back. Kuroo always loved that, loved being marked whenever they had sex. He tossed his head back and his hips jerked erratically. “Fuck,” he moaned, and then leaned down to bite their mating bond on Tsukishima’s neck. 

That area had been sensitive ever since they mated, and as Kuroo continued to bite and suck, he knew it was only a matter of time before he came again. 

But he’d be damned if he would come a second time before Kuroo even came once. So he rolled his hips off the bed and met him thrust for thrust. He moaned directly in his ear and Kuroo shivered. And then he said the one thing that never failed to get Kuroo off when they were in heat or rut.

“Breed me.”

Kuroo gasped and slammed home twice more before he was coming and Tsukishima followed after him. 

They came down from the high together and Kuroo collapsed on him, pushing him into the mattress. He loved the extra weight. When he pulled out he winced at the fluid between his thighs but couldn’t be bothered to get up. Kuroo tossed a leg over his and pulled him into his arms. 

“Want to tell me what’s bothering you now?”

“Too tired.”

“You usually spill secrets when you’re tired.”

“Nice try, Alpha.”

Kuroo growled and bit his mating mark then licked at the oil. “Does it have anything to do with your ‘breed me’ comment?” 

Tsukishima tensed for a second and then laughed it off. “I said it to get you excited.”

“Your body doesn’t lie, Kei. I felt you freeze just now. And in the last eight years we’ve been together not once have you said that outside of a heat or rut. What’s going on?” His tone was soft, not accusatory at all, and Tsukishima broke. 

“I just...I know how much you want to have kids.”

“Nah, we’re good as we are.”

“If I’m not allowed to lie to you, you’re not allowed to lie to me. You can’t lie to me.” It was his turn to flip the cards. “I know you better than anyone else. I see the way you look at Bokuto and Akaashi’s son. I know you want that for yourself.” 

Kuroo was silent for a long time, nuzzling into Tsukishima’s neck and rubbing their glands together, releasing their mixed scent. It was relaxing and released endorphins that made him feel good. 

“I know how you feel about having kids. You don’t want to be a carrier parent.” 

“That’s…true. I did say that in the past. A lot. But now... when we come home from visiting them, I see the look of disappointment on your face and the apartment just feels so empty. Maybe…maybe it’s time we fill it?” 

Kuroo propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at him, his eyebrows narrowed. “You were budgeting to see if we could afford this, weren’t you.”

He smiled faintly. “Guilty.” 

“Oh Kei. You don’t have to do this for me. As long as I have you, I’m happy.” 

“Maybe I’m not doing it just for you. Tch, your ego is as big as ever. Maybe I’m doing this for us.” 

“If we do this, our parents are going to freak out.” 

“And Bokuto-san.”

“Especially him. Poor Akaashi. Bokuto is going to want another kid so we have them at the same time.”

Tsukishima chuckled. “I don’t think Akaashi would mind too much.”

“Mm. He gives in too easily to Bokuto.” 

“Should we tell them we’re trying?”

“No. I want this between us until we know for sure. I don’t want people harassing you about how it’s going.”

It was a good idea and Tsukishima pulled him down for another kiss. Kuroo really was a good Alpha. 

“So...we’re doing this?” Kuroo asked. 

“We’re doing this.” Kuroo gathered him in his arms and he could feel his heart racing. “I’ll throw out my suppressants in the morning.”

“When is your next heat?”

“Two months.” 

“Kei?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you.” 

The next morning Tsukishima stood in the bathroom and looked at his box of suppressants. He’d been taking them consistently since he was sixteen years old. It had become a habit to take one each morning right before brushing his teeth. Now he had to break that habit. He swallowed hard and tossed the box in the trash. 

They were going to do this. He was ready. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima and Kuroo begin their journey to starting a family.

Tsukishima didn’t think two months could drag out forever, but when you were waiting for something like this, he guessed it would. Every day seemed to turn into two. He had baby on the brain and every time he had a moment to himself, he thought about their future kid. It was distracting. 

They told no one, and maybe that was what made it worse. He had no one outside of Kuroo to talk to this about. They didn’t want everyone to make a big deal about it, and what if it didn’t work? Sure the success rate was pretty high for a mated pair their age, but still. He couldn’t bear the disappointed looks or words of sympathy. So he kept silent. He didn’t tell Yamaguchi, Kuroo didn’t tell Kenma, and neither of them breathed a word to Bokuto and Akaashi. 

Akaashi was the one they were most worried about. He had the uncanny ability to see everything, sometimes before the people even knew it themselves. So they kept up their weekly visits. Sometimes they ended up at their house, and other times they got a sitter and came over for a child-free night. Tsukishima tried his best not to pay more attention to the baby than he normally did, but he was more and more curious about how Bokuto and Akaashi interacted with little Keijirou. He always watched when Kuroo interacted, of course. More to make sure he didn’t hurt the little one. 

“Can you believe my little man is almost one?” Bokuto crowed as he sat on the floor with Keijirou. “He’s practically running already!”

Akaashi smiled fondly. “He’s not even walking yet.”

“Nah, he’s going to just start running.” 

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow and watched as Keijirou pulled himself up on the chair and bounced up and down, doing a sort of wiggle. He took one wobbly step and crept along the chair, only to get back down and crawl over to Akaashi. “Yes. Sprinting, I’m sure.” 

Kuroo laughed. “Well I’m sure Bokuto will be able to keep up with him when he does.”

“I can’t wait. We’ll go running together and we’ll play volleyball. Did I show you the little volleyball I got him?”

“You have, Bokuto-san. You’ve shown everyone.”

“Akaaashi! Why are you still so formal in front of Kuroo and Tsukki.” He pouted. 

“Tsukishima, could you help me in the kitchen?” 

That was never a good sign. Being alone with Akaashi. It was a tactic he used to get information he knew he was missing. He nodded and followed after him. Kuroo threw him a concerned look and he just shrugged. 

The kitchen was a disaster. They’d already cleaned up Keijirou, but the results of his dinner had landed everywhere. At ten months he was still learning his fine motor skills, and as a result, a lot of food ended up on the floor or in his chair. 

“He's so messy.”

“Yes, and there’s a reason we never had noodles when you are over. No one escapes his attempts at eating.”

Tsukishima made a face and grabbed a paper towel to up down the chair while Akaashi swept the floor. 

“Is everything okay between you at Kuroo-san?”

Ah, so here it comes. “Yes. Why do you ask?”

“The two of you seem out of synch today.”

“No? Work has been a little more stressful lately.” 

“Hmm.”

“Budgeting problems.” He finished cleaning the mess and threw away the paper towel. 

“Want to talk about it?” 

“I’ve talked to Kuroo. I don’t want to bore you with it. Just grants and things.”

Akaashi stared at him for a few more seconds and then made a noncommittal sound. 

They needed to get out of there or somehow their secret would be found out. 

Ten minutes later, Kuroo announced they were heading out. He hugged Keijirou and tossed him in the air one more time before handing him over to Bokuto. 

“See you next week! Our place next time.”

On the way home, Tsukishima breathed a sigh of relief. “I think he suspects something. He asked if things were okay between us.”

“Things are better than okay. We’ll have to work harder.” 

“I don’t think there is any way to be more careful. He’s just…eerie like that.” 

The next month passed with more of the same, and then his heat came. 

He didn’t have much warning. It was different compared to all the other times. More like when he was younger. More like his first heat without the suppressants. Kuroo said he smelled stronger than usual in the days leading up to it, and it was all he could do to keep his hands to himself. Tsukishima batted them away. They would get enough of that later. 

He prepared by cleaning up the house and making sure they had enough water and food. Most of it was premade meals which just made life easier. They called and cancelled plans with Bokuto and Akaashi for the week. And that final night, Tsukishima threw the covers off the bed and climbed on top of Kuroo, who woke up in surprise as Tsukishima whined and leaned down to bite his mating mark. 

“Fuck,” Kuroo said as Tsukishima’s slick wet his thighs. He breathed deeply. “We’re doing this, right?”

“If I had changed my mind I’d be back on the suppressants. Let’s do this.”

“My god, Kei. You’re so hot like this. I love it when you’re demanding.” He leaned up to pull him into a kiss as he positioned his cock at Tsukishima’s already slick entrance and pushed in. 

Tsukishima let out a whine and as soon as he was fully inside, started to move. He set a brutal pace, his mind completely blanking on everything other than quenching the insatiable need in his body. Sweat poured down his back and chest, despite having set the temperature low before bed. His nails dug into Kuroo’s chest, leaving angry red lines behind. Kuroo moaned under him, eventually holding onto his hips to keep him steady. 

He felt the knot forming and dropped down onto it, forcing it past the ring of muscle. He cried out and came with Kuroo right after him who lunged up and bit his neck. The jolt of pleasure had him coming even harder and longer, and he rocked on the knot. 

As the high wore off, Kuroo collapsed back on the bed, with Tsukishima still sitting on his hips. 

“God, Kei.”

“Yeah.” Head dropped back he stared at the ceiling, trying to catch his breath.

Hands splayed over his stomach and he glanced down. Kuroo’s hands were large and warm. He was still thin, which was still a concern for his mate. “I’m trying to picture you bigger with a pup.” 

“I hope it’s a good picture,” he snorted as Kuroo slipped out of him. He laid down and Kuroo slid down the bed to rest his head on his stomach. He kissed it gently and it was ridiculous but tender, and if it made him happy, he’d suffer through it. 

“I can’t wait, Kei.”

“Me neither.”

But they did have to wait. A month after his heat, he didn’t have any symptoms of illness that he’d heard about and witnessed with Akaashi. At six week he and Kuroo finally broke down and bought a test. He’d been putting it off, if he was honest with himself. What if he was? What if he wasn’t? 

He took the test and set it on the counter. He let Kuroo into the bathroom and they waited. It was the longest three minutes of his life. Kuroo stood behind him, arms wrapped around his waist and chin propped up on his shoulder. 

A negative sign slowly revealed itself in the box. 

His heart sank. He felt it in his chest and he felt Kuroo tighten his arms around his waist. 

“It’s okay. We can try again in three months. You’ve been on suppressants so long I’m sure your body needs more time to adjust.” He kissed him gently on their mating mark. “Come on. Let’s order in for dinner and watch a movie.” 

Tsukishima followed him wordlessly out of the room and sat on the couch as Kuroo ordered and put on a film. He ate without tasting anything and let Kuroo cuddle him in a pile of blankets. 

For someone who didn’t want this for so long, he felt more disappointed than Kuroo. 

They cancelled their plans with Bokuto and Akaashi that week. It was two days after the negative test and Tsukishima was sure he wouldn’t be able to hide the disappointment. He wasn’t that good of an actor. 

He listened to Kuroo talk on the phone and assure Bokuto that no, they would never miss Keijirou’s first birthday, and of course they would be there with the best presents. When he hung up the phone he smiled. 

“Next month is Keijirou’s first. We have to get him something.”

“He’s one and spoiled. What more does he need?” 

“Well we need to think of something. We’re his uncles. Besides, if we make it good, Bokuto will try to top us when our little one is born.”

“Oh, so it’s a competition now?” 

“I mean it always has been between me and Bokuto.”

“You two are ridiculous.”

But they went to the party with the largest, most obnoxious gift they could find. Personally Tsukishima loved it, and he was sure Bokuto would as well, but Akaashi probably wouldn’t like the size. 

Kuroo carried in the giant dinosaur with a bow around its neck. It was stuffed, sure, but large enough for a toddler to sit on and pretend to ride. Kuroo wanted large, and he wanted a dinosaur. So they found middle ground. 

All of their friends were there when they added it to the pile of presents. Bokuto hooted and Akaashi stared at it. His face was neutral, but Tsukishima saw the small tic in the corner of his eye. When he turned to look at him, he smirked. 

It was enough to ensure they weren’t pestered about anything being wrong and then everything was back to normal. They enjoyed the party with former members of Fukurodani and a few from Nekoma. Tsukishima wasn’t surprised there was no one from Karasuno. Hinata was currently in Brazil or he would have been there with them. 

Keijirou loved the dinosaur and immediately climbed onto it. They tried to get him to open presents but he quickly lost interest. Bokuto wanted him to make a mess of the cake, but he was timid with it, unsure of what to do. Instead of grabbing at it with his fists, he poked at it and made a face when he tasted the sugar for the first time. Bokuto snapped a picture and Akaashi cooed over him. 

Would he be like that? He couldn’t see himself like Bokuto, though he was sure Kuroo would certainly fill the role. But would he be calm like Akaashi? Probably. He was sarcastic, yes, but overall a calm person. But as gentle as Akaashi? No one could be that gentle. 

When it was time to leave they said their goodbyes and got in their car.

“Told you it would be a hit.”

“I can’t imagine what Bokuto would even do to try to improve on that.” 

“Well, let’s make sure he has to get creative.”

Two months later they were trying again. 

Tsukishima woke up, threw the blankets off, once again climbed on top of Kuroo and ground down on him. Kuroo woke up in a state of confusion, trying to get his senses together. He was on autopilot as Tsukishima writhed against him, sucking on their mating mark and whining. He eased inside him, still mostly asleep, until Tsukishima moaned “Breed me.”

Kuroo’s eyes snapped open and he flipped them over. Tsukishima wrapped his legs around him, clinging tightly. Kuroo didn’t even hesitate before he was rolling his hips, pushing them to edge as if this was a race and not a slow game that would drag out for days. Tsukishima came first with a cry, digging his nails into Kuroo’s back until he could feel the raised welts. And still Kuroo moved. He could feel the beginning of the knot and he tried to get down on it but Kuroo wouldn’t give it to him just yet. 

“Going to give you everything, Kei. Make a pup that’s just ours.”

“Fuck!”

Kuroo pushed his knot past the ring of muscle and it burned but it felt so good. It locked their bodies together and Kuroo came, filling him more inside. They gasped for breath as they came down from the high of the first rush and twisted together. Kuroo placed gentle kisses on Tsukishima’s mark, face, chest. Anywhere he could reach. 

Kuroo was much gentler the next time, and that was fine with Tsukishima. The first was always fast and hard, but the second was languid. They took their time, letting everything build to a crescendo. Tsukishima touched everywhere he could reach, grounding himself to reality with Kuroo’s body. Kuroo slipped his arms under his back and then held onto his shoulders, pulling him down so that they were closely joined as his knot filled Tsukishima. He sighed instead of crying, and felt as if he was floating. Kuroo kissed down the column of his neck, gently sucking on the skin but no doubt leaving bruises anyway. 

He came down from the high gathered in Kuroo’s arms. He loved those floating moments during his heat where he lost all sense of reality. 

And they had two whole days left. 

And then more waiting. 

Tsukishima was nearly out of skin by the fourth week. It was hard enough waiting the first or anything after that, but by week four his anxiety and nausea were increasing daily. Every time he thought about the results, he felt like he was choking on air. What if they had failed again? What if they hadn’t? What were the next steps?

Kuroo broke down and brought the test home after work.

“I know it’s two weeks earlier than last time, but you’re making yourself sick. Let’s just take the test and find out. It should be able to read it by now, right? I bought the ones for omegas.”

And so he was in the bathroom, test on the counter with Kuroo standing behind him, arms around him just like before. He was afraid to look. Afraid of the disappointment. Afraid Kuroo would think less of him if they failed again. He took a deep breath and looked anyway.

And couldn’t breathe. 

Positive. 

“Oh…” he breathed out as Kuroo kissed their mark.

Kuroo’s hands slipped over his belly and he sobbed out a laugh. “Oh. Here we go. I can’t wait.”

“Yeah, me neither.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima and Kuroo try to keep the pregnancy private for as long as they can, but of course Akaashi figures it out. Everyone celebrates, but just as they’re about to find out the sex of the baby, tragedy strikes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW/TW: miscarriage. 
> 
> The end of this chapter starts the beginning of a traumatic time for the boys. The beginning is happy, but the end is not. Buckle up. Here we go.

They made an appointment and visited the doctor the next week who confirmed Tsukishima was in fact pregnant. He breathed a sigh of relief. Even though the home test had been positive, he worried it was somehow wrong. But with that news brought more worries. 

“Can I play volleyball?”

“Well, have you played it before?” the doctor asked.

Kuroo barked out a laugh and Tsukishima smacked him. “I’ve been playing since...before middle school and I’m on a Division 2 team with the V League.”

“Ah, I see. Well, yes and no. You can play for now. In fact it’s good to keep active during your pregnancy. But as you progress you will need to sit out. Light exercises and warm ups will be fine, but playing will not.”

Tsukishima hadn’t thought of that. He bit his lip, thinking. “How long can I safely play for?” 

“Your first trimester won’t be a problem as long as you are careful and avoid diving on your stomach. Severe contact could injure you as well as the lining of the uterus. Since you’ve been an active athlete for so long, it’s good to keep up the activity. It becomes more of an issue as your child grows. Carrying that extra weight will throw off your balance.” 

“How long do you think I have? Best estimate?”

The doctor shrugged. “I’ve read of cases where a female parent still played volleyball professionally at five months. It really depends on your body. If your stomach grows large, you will have to stop sooner. If it becomes painful, you must stop. If you get injured, stop immediately.” 

Tsukishima nodded and Kuroo rubbed his back. He would have time to play before he had to tell anyone. 

They went home with pamphlets and other literature as well as vitamins and stern instructions from the doctor to put on a little weight. 

“I think we should wait to tell people,” Tsukishima said as they drove home. 

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Just…let’s wait awhile. Let this be our thing for as long as we can.”

“We’re not going to be able to hide this from Akaashi for long.”

“No, but just a little more time.”

They actually made it to the end of the third month. It was a miracle, really. So many times Akaashi would eye him and then change his mind. He wasn’t sick often. Which was nice. Some morning nausea but nothing some tea and toast didn’t help. 

He’d grown just little softer in the stomach, a tiny bump, which Kuroo loved. Every night in bed he spooned up behind him and placed his hand on his belly. He’d done it even when he was still flat. Protecting them both, he said. It was sweet, really, even if it was starting to give him a little complex. 

His shirts had always been loose, so he continued to wear them. Sometimes, if he moved in a certain way, the fabric pulled tighter against his slightly rounded belly. It was just enough that someone who knew him intimately, or who was incredibly observant, would notice. No one on his team said a word even when he changed in front of them. 

But of course Akaashi did. 

They were all in the kitchen getting ready for dinner. They were one dish short and Tsukishima reached up to grab and dish. His shirt rode up just the slightest bit and pulled snug across his abdomen. It shouldn’t have even been visible, but as soon as his feet were firmly planted on the ground and the dish safe in his hands, Akaashi asked, “how far along are you?” 

Bokuto tilted his head to the side. “What? Like in a video game? What game are you playing?”

Tsukishima looked over to Kuroo who sighed and shrugged. “Twelve weeks.”

“Congratulations. I’m happy for you.”

“Whaaa? What’s happening? What are the congratulations for?”

“You’re going to be an uncle, Bo.” 

Bokuto froze, blinking as he processed what Kuroo had said and then his face absolutely lit up. “Oh wow! I never thought it would happen! This is amazing. I’m going to be the best uncle ever! Even better than your brother, Tsukki!”

Kuroo laughed and Tsukishima joined him at the table. It was sad their secret was over, but at the same time he was relieved. Now he didn’t have to worry about not slipping. And they could tell everyone. 

“Ne, Akaaaashi! We should have another one and then they can be the same age and best friends!”

“Keijirou is too young. It would be too much for me to balance.”

Bokuto pouted. “But your heat is next week. This one wouldn’t be too far behind Kuroo’s kid and Keijirou will be…” he counted on his fingers, adding up the months. “Over two years old! That’s a good distance!” 

“That’s really not. You would have a baby and a toddler under three.” 

Bokuto looked dejected. 

“Koutarou, we can talk about this at home.” He perked up and swooped down to give Akaashi a kiss. 

The next day they made their calls. For their families, they did it together. For friends, they did it separately. Tsukishima’s parents, who so long ago were horrified to know their son was sharing heats with someone, were thrilled. His mother cried and said she couldn’t wait to start shopping. Kuroo’s parents were also thrilled, but more laid back. His mother offered their support and warned Tsukishima that Kuroo had been an active baby and had liked to kick her bladder hard. He took note and hoped that would not be the case for him. 

When he called Yamaguchi, and by extension Yachi because they had finally gotten together, his friend cried “Tsukki!” and had to put Yachi on the phone. She was much calmer about it. 

“That’s wonderful news, Tsukishima-kun. We’re very happy for you.”

“I can tell. Is he really crying?”

“Yes, but he’ll be fine. I’m sure he will want to see you soon.”

“I’ll have to come visit.”

“Oh yes! Please do! We would be happy to have you over. Oh, he wants the phone again. Take care.”

The phone was passed back to Yamaguchi who had managed to compose himself. “I thought you didn’t want kids. You were so adamant in high school.”

“Well, things change. That was a long time ago.”

“I really am happy for you. Yacchan and I want kids, but we’re gonna wait. She’s really making a name for herself and can’t take the time off. Eventually, though.”

“Eventually.”

They chatted some more before they got off the phone. That night in bed, Kuroo rubbed his belly. “That went better than expected.”

“You expected them not to be happy?”

“Well, no, not like that. I guess I just expected more surprise or a bigger fuss. I mean I’m glad there wasn’t, but it didn’t go how I prepared for.”

“How did Kenma take it?”

“About as expected. Surprised in his quiet way and happy, but then he changed the subject to his latest project like he always does.”

“Yamaguchi cried more than my mother.”

Kuroo laughed at that and held him closer. Tsukishima couldn’t fall asleep anymore if he wasn’t held tightly to Kuroo’s chest, with their combined scent mingling around them. 

At fourteen weeks they went to the doctor for a standard check up since they had missed their twelve week visit. Kuroo was excited and nervous all at the same time. He couldn’t sit still and just hovered by the bed next to Tsukishima during the exam. The doctor, a male omega, assured Tsukishima it was normal for Alpha fathers to do. He just rolled his eyes in response. 

They tracked his weight, measured his belly, and asked them if they wanted to try to hear the heartbeat and see the baby. Kuroo blurted out “yes!” before Tsukishima could say a word. 

The ultrasound machine was brought in and a cold gel spread across his stomach. Kuroo held his hand so tightly he was sure it would break. 

It took some time and suddenly a sound filled the room. 

“What’s that? Sounds like an alien.”

The doctor chuckled. “That alien is your baby’s heartbeat.” Tsukishima was in silent awe, and when he looked at Kuroo, his eyes were filled with unshed tears.

He moved the wand again, pressing against his stomach and then he smiled. “And there they are.” He positioned the monitor to face them and Tsukishima didn’t even have to ask what he was looking at. There, in black and white, was the fetus. It was tiny, sure, but there, and it brought home how real this was for him. 

Kuroo blinked as tears overflowed and ran down his cheeks. “Is it a boy or a girl?” 

“That we won’t know for another couple of weeks. If you’d like, I can print out the picture for you to bring home.”

In the end he printed two. One for Kuroo to keep with him at all times to show off as a proud Papa, and the other for a little frame on their nightstand. 

The next time they saw Bokuto and Akaashi, Kuroo proudly showed off the picture of their pup and Tsukishima stared at Keijirou. The one year old stared back at him inquisitively. He hadn’t had much interaction with him as a baby. Kuroo was always the one to be holding him and cuddling him. Tsukishima had held him a few times, awkwardly, but that was about the extent of his experience with babies. And now he was having one. 

Keijirou stood and wobbled across on chubby legs to where Tsukishima was sitting. He held his arms up, flexing his hands as if he wanted something. “Do you want to be picked up? I’m not your mom,” he said quietly. 

“Up,” Keijirou demanded. 

Tsukishima tentatively picked him up. The toddler hugged his neck and put his head on his shoulder. He could hear sucking sounds a second later and hoped he was sucking on his own thumb and not his shirt. Did babies do that? 

He hadn’t noticed the room had gone silent until he looked up. Akaashi was watching him peacefully. Bokuto and a huge grin on his face. And Kuroo had a smile that was so full of love and fondness it hurt to look at. 

“You’re a natural,” Bokuto said, the volume of his voice dropping. 

“Tch. Hardly. He’s one. Akaashi, how do you carry him all day? He’s heavy.”

“Your arm muscles will improve as the baby grows. They don’t start out that big. It’s a different kind of strength than you use in volleyball.” 

He looked desperately to Kuroo for help who just beamed at him. Thankfully it was time for bedtime and for them to leave shortly after, so Tsukishima passed him off to Akaashi and they said their goodbyes. 

They had barely gotten into their apartment when Kuroo pushed him up against the wall and was kissing him breathless. 

“What is this for?” Tsukishima managed to get out between kisses. 

“Seeing you like that with Keijirou made me want our pup so badly.”

“Well you’re already getting one, and you can’t put another there so what’s this for?” 

“I can’t be turned in by thinking of you as a mama?” 

“It’s a little weird.”

Kuroo laughed and hugged him along to their bedroom where Kuroo proceeded to show him just how much he loved him. 

It was only two weeks after that event when gifts started arriving. The first package was from Yamaguchi and Yachi, which didn’t surprise him at all. He opened it with Kuroo hovering over his shoulder and pulled out an adorable dinosaur suit complete with hood and tail. 

“That’s so cute. They’ll be our little dinosaur.” Kuroo rubbed his belly. “Hear that little one? You’re going to be a dinosaur! Rawr!”

Tsukishima smirked and put the onesie aside. There were a few dinosaur baby books as well, and he loved it. They moved them into the office. 

They were lucky the room wasn’t that full and that they had space in the rest of the apartment for those things. It had just been convenient. When Bokuto and Akaashi came by later that week, Bokuto helped Kuroo rearrange the living room and haul out some things from the former office. With Akaashi directing, they made the space tidy, even if they had a little less room to move. 

It wasn’t that Tsukishima was actively shopping for baby things, but once he happened across a baby store and went inside, purely out of curiosity. He walked out with a little volleyball outfit. Kuroo held it up when he got home and swore their little dinosaur would be a great player, just like them. 

His mother called and asked what they were doing about the room, and whether or not they had any furniture picked out. 

“No, it’s still early for that.”

“Nonsense. It’s always good to be prepared. What style are you looking for?”

He glanced at Kuroo, who was listening, and they both shrugged. “I guess we can leave that up to you.”

“Oh good! Because Kuroo-san and I have been talking.”

The next week a large delivery showed up, and Bokuto was once again enlisted to help set up the nursery with Kuroo. They had to install a crib, a matching dresser and changing table, and a comfortable chair. There was a bassinet which Tsukishima wasn’t really sure what to do with. 

“I feel like this is too early,” he said to Akaashi as they sat on the couch drinking tea. One hand rested on his belly as he was feeling strange little bubbles. 

“It’s better to work on it ahead of time. When you’re closer to your due date it’s impossible to get things done. You’ll be sore all the time and tired. We waited a little too long to set up. This way you can take your time.”

“Did Keijirou always sleep in his own room?”

“No. At first he slept in a bassinet next to me. Now he takes naps in his crib, but he often sleeps with us. It’s harder with Bokuto who moves around so much.”

Tsukishima must have made a face as he pressed at the spot that was bubbling. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Just indigestion I guess.” 

“Does it feel like bubbles? Or flutters?” 

“Bubbles I guess.”

Akaashi smiled. “That’s the pup moving.”

Tsukishima stared at him and then rubbed the spot gently. It was strange to feel and know it was from a life growing inside his body. A few years ago he would have been disgusted at the thought, but now…

“Tetsu.”

“What’s wrong?” It didn’t take but a second for Kuroo to pop his head from the nursery, eyes wide. Tsukishima rarely called him by his shortened name. 

“Come here. The baby is moving.”

Kuroo practically tripped on every available surface to get there. It was an intimate moment and Tsukishima wished they were alone, but he took Kuroo’s hand and placed it right over the spot.

“I don’t feel anything.”

“Just wait. It’s faint.” 

After a minute, the bubbling resumed and Kuroo gasped. 

“Can I feel it too?” Bokuto asked as he came out to see what the fuss was about. 

“No,” they both said at the same time, though Kuroo growled it. Bokuto backed up with his hands in the air. 

Gifts kept coming. Gender neutral, of course, and many dinosaurs and cats of various sizes and colors started showing up. There were a few owls, crows, and frogs as well, and Tsukishima couldn’t help but smile every time he went into the baby’s room.

Sometimes, when Kuroo was running late or out of town for work, he would sit in the chair next to the crib and stare at it. 

His team had eventually found out when he took off his shirt one day and Koganegawa stared. 

“Whoa. Tsukki, you’re getting a little fat. Is Kuroo-san that good of a cook? How are you even putting on weight with how much we play?” 

Tsukishima flushed. 

Kyotani glanced over at his stomach before he pulled his shirt down and then his face. It made him blush even harder. 

“Congratulations, I guess. Does coach know?”

“Not yet. Guess I can’t hide it anymore.”

“Hide what?”

Kyotani ignored him. “How far are you? Like three months or something?” 

“More like four…”

“Wow. You look pretty good. You’re still pretty small.”

“Must be all the playing. The doctor said I could keep playing until my balance was off.”

“Ah! Are you pregnant?!” Koganegawa finally yelled and the rest of the team turned around.

“Idiot,” Kyotani said as the rest of the team congratulated Tsukishima. 

“Yes. I am.” He smiled a little. Because wow, he really was. 

He spoke to the coach after that who frowned. Not that one of his players would be out soon, but out of concern. 

“The doctor said I could probably play until five months, or until my balance is thrown from the extra weight.”

“You certainly don’t look very big. Is that healthy?”

“I’m sure it’s fine,” he said, rubbing his head and looking at the floor. It was a little strange to be talking it over with this coach.

“Well...see what your doctor says. You can still practice, but I don’t know if I’m comfortable risking you in a game. Not that you aren’t still great, I just wouldn’t want you to fall and get injured.”

“Understood.”

As long as he wasn’t kicked off the team, he was fine with some compromise. 

He was almost twenty weeks. They’d find out the sex of the baby soon. Would it be a little girl with Kuroo’s wild hair, or a little boy who was solemn like him? He hadn’t really thought of it as either a boy or a girl. It still seemed so surreal to him.

The baby pressed against his stomach and he rested his hand there. In a few months there would be screaming and crying and dirty diapers everywhere. They were probably getting in over their heads, but they’d make it. 

At the beginning of twenty weeks, just days before his appointment, he was at work and felt a strange twinge in his belly. It made him pause and his hand immediately went to the spot and pressed gently. It passed and he went back to researching grants. When it was time to leave, he grabbed his things and headed for the train station. 

The twinge returned and he took a sharp breath. Normally he would stand on the train, but there was an open seat next to a pregnant woman and he eased into it. She smiled warmly at him and he nodded.

“First one?” she asked.

Normally Tsukishima would hate the attention and the intrusive questions, but seeing as she was far along, he nodded. 

“Yes.” His fingers pressed into the spot and he tried to hide the wince. 

She caught it. “Are you alright?”

“Just a bit of pain.”

“You should get that checked out.”

“My appointment is later this week. I’m sure it’s nothing.” 

“It never hurts to be overly cautious. Especially with your first one. I remember with mine I ran to the doctor every time he moved the wrong way. After the first you know what feels right and wrong.” She offered him a reassuring smile. “But really, if the pain doesn’t fade, it doesn’t hurt to go and just have them check out the baby.” 

He thanked her for the advice and, as the next stop was his, got up and stood by the door. 

He was tired when he got to their apartment and let himself in. Kuroo wasn’t due home for another hour, and he didn’t feel like cooking, so he laid down on the sofa just to relax. 

He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew Kuroo was gently shaking him awake. 

“Kei? Are you alright?”

“Just tired today.”

Kuroo frowned but helped him sit up. “Do you want leftovers, or I can cook, or we can order takeout?”

“I’m not that hungry, really.”

“The doctor said you need to gain more weight.”

“I have gained more weight. Look at me.” 

“I know, but I want you strong for our pup.”

Tsukishima sighed and pushed Kuroo’s hands away as he stood. “Leftovers are fine.” 

His knees nearly buckled when a sharp, stabbing pain ripped through his midsection. Kuroo caught him and held him up.

“Kei! Kei what’s wrong. What is it?”

“Pain,” he gasped out. “Earlier today, just a little. This was worse.”

“We need to go to the ER.”

“No, it’s passing.” 

“Kei. I’m not risking you or the baby. Let’s go.” 

It was rare for him to use such an Alpha tone on him that he complied. Together they grabbed their wallets, but they didn’t make it to the door before Tsukishima felt something warm and uncomfortable slide down his leg. 

“Tetsu,” he said, not wanting to look. 

Kuroo looked back at him and glanced down, his eyes widening. 

“We’re calling an ambulance.” He was dialing in seconds while helping Tsukishima sit in the genkan. 

He looked down and saw blood on his khaki pants that he hadn’t bothered to change out of. “Oh,” he said quietly. 

Kuroo had finished giving instructions and knelt down to help Tsukishima into his street shoes. He pulled his own back on and wrapped him in his arms. 

“It’s going to be fine. It’s going to be fine,” he said over and over. That sweet scent of theirs drifted around them, and he closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. 

Everything would be fine.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima and Kuroo lose the baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: miscarriage, labor, stillbirth
> 
> I will warn you this chapter was hard to write. It contains an extended scene in the hospital where Tsukishima gives birth and Tsukishima and Kuroo choose to see their baby. If this sort of thing bothers you, please prepare yourself. This is the most difficult chapter. The next chapter is a little easier, and after that it gets progressively easier, though there are still difficult moments. 
> 
> If you absolutely cannot deal with this chapter, I understand. You can skip this and read the next one. I will post that one in the next day. It's already written.

The ride to the hospital was the longest ride of his life. Kuroo sat by him, out of the way of the EMTs as they did whatever it was they were doing. He couldn’t remember anything other than the solid scent of Kuroo. 

When they rolled him into a room, the doctor and nurses came in. He grabbed Kuroo’s hand and his mate growled at them. 

“Easy, we’re just here to help.”

“You’re not his doctor.” 

“We can get in contact with him if it would make this easier for you, but I’m afraid we must take a look now.”

Tsukishima squeezed his hand and let go. “It’s okay.”

While Kuroo handed their doctor’s business card to one of the nurses, the doctor asked him to go over his day while the room was prepped. 

“It started at work. Just a twinge. Like a pinch. And again on the train. When I got home I laid down on the couch and slept until my mate came home. When I stood up I felt this excruciating pain and then...I started bleeding. 

The doctor was impossible to read. He nodded and gestured for the nurse who left the room.

“Okay, what we’re going to do is an ultrasound to see what we’re working with. Have you been feeling the baby move at all?”

“They don’t move much just...little bubbles. Before. I…I don’t feel them now.” He felt the blood drain from his face and he was glad he was already lying down. Kuroo was at his side again in seconds and holding his hand with one while the other stroked his hair. 

“Okay.”

They nurse wheeled in an ultrasound machine and they set it up. Tsukishima was asked to get undressed and put on a hospital gown. He did and was horrified to see so much blood. A nurse gathered his clothes in a bag. 

The blanket on the bed covered his lap as the doctor pulled up the flimsy gown and slathered the cold gel on his stomach. The wand pressed against his stomach and Kuroo held onto his hand tightly. The doctor moved the wand around, looking for the fetus and searching for a heartbeat. Tsukishima didn’t know he was holding his breath until spots crossed his vision and Kuroo squeezed his hand, telling him to breathe. 

The room was completely silent as the doctor looked, moving the wand until finally he stopped moving it. He didn’t say anything at first, and Tsukishima knew. He just knew. 

“I’m so sorry. I can’t find a heartbeat.”

“Look harder!” Kuroo demanded. “It has to be there.” 

“Tetsu.”

“It was just there the other day, it can’t be gone. Get another machine!”

“Tetsu, please.” He squeezed his hand when he lunged at the doctor and pulled him back. “It’s not the doctor’s fault. I lost the baby.”

Kuroo snapped back to him and leaned down to press their foreheads together. “No, Kei, you didn’t lose the baby. It’s not your fault.”

“These things sometimes just happen,” the doctor offered. “It’s not uncommon.”

“In the first trimester,” Tsukishima said, recalling the information from the book he’d gotten and memorized. 

“We can run tests after to see if we can determine the cause.” 

“Can you give us a moment?” Tsukishima asked quietly. 

“Take all the time you need. I’ll wait for your doctor outside.” 

After he had left the room Tsukishima closed his eyes. The bed was too narrow for Kuroo to climb into, but he managed anyway and wrapped him in his arms. Tsukishima could feel the crushing sorrow Kuroo felt, which only amplified his and they fed into each other like a toxic feedback loop.

“I’m so sorry Kei. If I hadn’t asked for this…” 

“I must have done something wrong.”

“Kei, no. It’s not that at all.”

“It has to have been volleyball. I should have stopped playing as soon as we found out.”

“Moonshine, this isn’t about volleyball.”

“What if it is?” 

“I don’t think it is.”

“I’ll quit the team.”

“Kei, you don’t want to do that. It wasn’t volleyball. The doctor said to play as long as you felt comfortable and you never had any issues.” 

Tsukishima shook his head. If he had quit the team or asked to be benched the rest of the season. If they hadn’t tried to keep this to themselves for so long. “We’re going to have to tell everyone.”

“Let’s not think about that now. Let’s just…”

He didn’t finish his sentence and Tsukishima didn’t know what he was going to say. They remained silent until the doctor came back in with Tsukishima’s own omega doctor. 

“Tsukishima-san, Kuroo-san, I’m so sorry to hear what has happened. As much as you don’t want to talk about it, I’m sure, we must discuss our next options?”

“Which are?” Kuroo asked. 

“I’m sorry to be blunt, but we need to remove the fetus. If we wait too long, it can make Tsukishima-san very ill. I don’t need to be harsh about this at such a fragile time, but this is the reality.”

“How long will it take?”

“Well, that depends. We can surgically remove it, or we can induce labor. Inducing labor could take a few hours or days, but you'll be able to see the baby after. The surgery would not take as long and you would be asleep for it, but you would not be able to see the baby.

Tsukishima hesitated. Did he want to see the baby? Did he want to see what he would never have? He glanced at Kuroo. Kuroo looked into his eyes, and after several moments nodded. “Whatever Kei wants.”

It wasn’t just what he wanted, though. Kuroo had wanted this so much. He would have been a great father. It was the first time his eyes stung, but he looked at the doctor. “Induce me.”

The doctor nodded. “I’ll get the necessary medication and rooms ready. After, we will have you stay overnight in the hospital so we can monitor you.”

He left the room and Kuroo brushed Tsukishima’s hair off his forehead. Kuroo had tears in his eyes. Did he? They stung. He just felt...numb. Was it wrong to feel this way? He reached down and rested a hand in his curved belly and felt a pang of loneliness. For something he’d been against for so long, why did it hurt so bad?

“Are you sure? A surgery would be easier.”

“Maybe easier now, but not after.”

“I’ll call both of our bosses and handle it.”

“We can’t miss work.”

“We can for this, and I won’t let you go in. We need time.”

“We’re going to have to tell our parents.”

“I know. I...I can make the calls.”

“No. We do that together. Our parents, at least.” Kuroo nodded and they sat in silence. After a while, Kuroo’s hand joined his on his stomach and they sat there in a quiet bubble until the doctor returned. 

The next hours were a blur of medication, IVs, changing rooms, and phone calls. While they were waiting for the process to really get going, they decided to rip the bandage off and call their parents so that they could focus on themselves after. Kuroo put his phone on speaker while they were alone in the room. 

“Hi Kei-chan! How are you?” His mother’s cheerful voice nearly made him vomit. 

“I lost the baby,” he said, forcing himself to get the words past his lips. It opened the wound larger. 

“Oh...oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry. Where-“

“I don’t want anyone else here. Kuroo is with me. I’m fine.” 

“It’s okay if you’re not fine. I’d like to see you. I know your father would, too.” 

“I’m not ready for that.”

“Are you sure? Sometimes it’s good to have-“

“I said, I’m fine.”

“Of course. Should we tell your brother for you?”

“Thank you.”

The next call to Kuroo’s parents went much the same, although instead of saying Kei lost the baby, Kuroo said they had. Together. Like it wasn’t somehow his fault.

“Oh my poor boys,” his mother cried on the phone. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“You let us know if you need anything and we’ll come up.”

“Thanks.”

He hung up and sighed, pressing his forehead to Tsukishima’s belly. He ran a finger through Kuroo’s hair as a contraction ripped through his body and he tensed. 

“Should we call Akaashi and Bokuto?” 

“We were supposed to see them tomorrow.”

Kuroo nodded and once again put the phone on speaker. 

“Kuroo-san, we weren’t expecting a call. Is everything alright?”

Kuroo smiled weakly. “Why do you always ask me that?”

“Because when something is wrong you call me. If it’s not, you call Bokuto-san.”

“Ah, I didn’t realize I was doing that. Sorry. I’ll change that habit in the future. Listen, we need to cancel our plans for tomorrow...”

“Oh? I’m sure Bokuto will throw a fit, but that’s fine. Is there...a reason why?”

Kuroo choked and for the first time, even though he’d held strong for his parents, he let out a sob. “We lost the baby.”

Akaashi was silent for several moments before he sighed. “I’m so sorry Kuroo, Tsukishima. Do you need us to be there?”

“No,” Tsukishima said. He didn’t want to see anyone. Especially not someone who had what he wanted. Was it wrong to feel resentment? Jealousy? He felt tears prick his eyes and stared up at the ceiling. 

“What Kei said.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“I wouldn’t want to put anything on you.”

“It’s what friends are for. Let me call everyone for you, so you don’t have to.” 

“That...that would be helpful, thank you.”

“Should I tell them you’d like to be left alone until you reach out?”

“Please,” Tsukishima said, gasping it out not just from the pain of having everyone know his failure, but also at another contraction hitting him. 

“My condolences to both of you. I’ll handle everything here.” 

They said a few more words but Tsukishima tuned them out. He could feel contractions moving through his body more often, and even though he was numb, he felt the pain in a way he couldn’t describe. The feelings were strange. He’d had a shot, so he couldn’t even feel the lower half of his body, but somehow he knew it was almost time. 

A woman came into the room and smiled gently at them. “Kuroo-san, Tsukishima-san. My name is Rei. I’m with the hospital, and I work with parents in a position such as yours. I’m here to help you get through this. Think of me as emotional support.”

Tsukishima nodded numbly. She was a short, thin woman with black hair and a pair of bright blue glasses. Her scent screamed omega and smelled like carnations. 

“There are some things I’d like to discuss with you before you deliver. When the doctor delivers the baby, would you like to hold it? The choice is yours and no one will think less of you if you choose not to.”

“Yes.” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. Kuroo squeezed his hand.

Rei marked something on a clipboard. “You can always change your mind after the delivery. The doctors can take the baby’s foot and handprints for you. If there is hair, you can save a lock of hair. The hospital will also offer you photographs of the baby they take at time of birth.”

He looked at Kuroo. What did he want? He tried to read his emotions but he couldn’t. He was too tired. Kuroo took over. 

“We would like the prints and photos. No hair.”

More notes on the chart. “The hospital also has a photographer on staff. They can take photos of you while you spend some time with your child. Some couples find it too difficult, and others are happy to have some photos of themselves with their child.”

“Tetsu?”

“It’s up to you, Moonshine.”

“If you had to decide…”

“If I had to, which I’m not, I would like the photos. In case I wanted to look at them. Later. So I wouldn't feel as if I lost the chance.”

Tsukishima nodded at Rei. “Please.”

“Our staff photographer is very good at her job. She’ll take the photos without you knowing she is there and then will leave.”

Rei moved aside as his doctor and some nurses came in and began moving around the room, preparing it. Kuroo was brushed aside and ordered to take a place at the head of the bed. Tsukishima held onto his hand. Rei asked if he wanted her there, and he nodded. She was...kind. Another omega in the room helped keep him calm. 

The room was silent when the baby was delivered, and Tsukishima ached at not hearing that first cry. A cry he never would hear. There were no congratulations or smiles, just a somber quiet. 

“It’s a girl,” the doctor said quietly after nurses took the baby and started cleaning her up.

A girl. He glanced up at Kuroo who leaned down and kissed his sweaty forehead. They brought her back, swaddled in the smallest bundle Tsukishima had ever seen. “Do you still want to hold her?” The nurse asked, cradling her carefully. 

“Yes.” The next moment his arms were full and he peered down at the tiniest face he had ever seen. 

She didn’t look like either of them yet. But she had a tiny nose and the smallest fingers. Just the tip of his finger fit into her entire palm. She was like a doll. Tiny and pale. He leaned down and kissed her forehead, unable to tear his eyes from her. 

This would have been their daughter. A little girl who would have been smart like both of them, self-assured like Kuroo, sarcastic like himself, and a volleyball partner for Keijirou. But she would never have that chance because Tsukishima had done something wrong. 

He handed her over to Kuroo. 

He handled her gently, like she was made of the finest bone China. Tears openly flowed down his cheeks and he frequently blinked them away. “Such a sweet little princess.” 

“Did you have a name chosen?” the nurse asked. “For the records?”

“No, we hadn’t even started…”

“Hime,” Tsukishima interrupted, inspired by what Kuroo had called her. He looked at his mate who slowly smiled. “Kuroo Hime.”

“Hime.” He kissed her forehead and then handed her back to Tsukishima who held her while the nurses and doctors cleaned up. Kuroo held both of them in his arms, his lips pressed against Tsukishima’s sweaty hair. Eventually it was time for her to go and giving her up might have been the hardest thing Tsukishima had done so far. He cried as they carried her out of the room and Kuroo held onto him tightly. 

He was exhausted. Somehow he slept that night with Kuroo pressed against his side. He hurt from the delivery but his heart hurt more. There would be no late night wake up calls and feedings. No messes to clean up. No watching Kuroo smile as he showed off their daughter. In his mind she grew up to look just like him with untameable black hair. 

In the afternoon the next day he was discharged with instructions on what to look for and when to return if he needed to. The nurses handed them an envelope with Hime’s footprints, handprints, and measurements on it. Also included were photographs they would have taken had she been born full term, and photographs from the photographer. Tsukishima didn’t even remember her being in the room. He didn’t look at the photos just yet. He was too raw. 

Tsukishima was silent on the ride home and held the envelope in his lap. His body ached, both from the labor and the loss. He was still bleeding, albeit from the process. And the loss…he felt he would carry that for a lifetime. 

Kuroo helped him from the car and they went inside. There was a card and a vase of flowers on the table, and Tsukishima knew Akaashi had been there. But he didn’t want to look at it. Instead, he took the papers and brought them into the bedroom. He got undressed and crawled into bed. Kuroo joined him sometime later. 

“We should eat.”

“I’m not hungry. You eat.”

“There’s food already cooked in the fridge. We just need to heat it up.”

“I’m not hungry.” 

“Kei…”

“I said-“

“Okay. I’ll just...if you change your mind.” 

Kuroo left him alone after that and he turned onto his side and tried to sleep. 

It didn’t come easily. As soon as he felt himself drifting off, he would jerk awake, hoping everything was a horrible nightmare. 

Eventually Kuroo came in and handed him the pain medication the doctor prescribed. He took them and finally fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life slowly moves on and Tsukishima has hard decisions to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for the suffering last chapter. Things will get better.

They didn’t want visitors, but Akaashi and Bokuto came anyway. Tsukishima was sitting in Hime’s room, wrapped in a blanket when they came. Maybe it was maudlin, but he couldn’t tear himself away. He heard the apologies and Bokuto clapping Kuroo on the back. Soft footsteps approached the room and Akaashi peered inside. 

“I know you said no visitors, but Bokuto wouldn’t listen and I figured it was best if I came to temper him.”

Tsukishima nodded. Akaashi must have taken that as a sign to come in because he did. He kneeled down in front of Tsukishima and wrapped his arms around his waist. 

“I’m so sorry.” 

“Nothing to be sorry about.”

They were silent for a long time after that. They could hear Bokuto speaking loudly in the other room but couldn’t make out what he said. Eventually Akaashi took his hand and pulled him up. 

“Time to eat.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“I’m sure you’re not, and I’m sure Kuroo is being extra cautious right now and not forcing you to eat, but I’m not Kuroo, so you can get angry at me. Let’s go.”

Tsukishima reluctantly let himself be pulled up and he dropped the warm blanket on the chair. He must have looked a mess but Kuroo smiled when he emerged from the room, and he realized maybe he was neglecting his mate through his own sorrow. 

He sat down next to Kuroo and leaned against him as Akaashi brought out food and they ate on the sofa. 

When their friends finally left, Tsukishima took Kuroo’s hand and tugged him to the bedroom. 

“I’ve been neglecting you,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. We’re both going to process this differently.” Kuroo gathered him in his arms and kissed him soundly. “But it’s good to see you talking and out of that room. Maybe…we should see the counselor the doctor suggested. Or Rei-san. She was nice.”

“Maybe.” But he wouldn’t. 

The next morning cards started to come in. A few at first and then even more. He didn’t know how to handle it. He and Kuroo read the first few and then put them in a box for later. Neither of them could deal with it right then.

They both went back to work two weeks later. Tsukishima was greeted by quiet condolences from his colleagues and they left him alone except when absolutely necessary. Kuroo often found ways to get out of late meetings and came home so that they could cook and have dinner together. They went to sleep together with Kuroo holding Tsukishima tight. 

In other words, life went on. A month after it happened, Hime’s ashes were returned to them in a tiny box. They placed it on their nightstand with her framed ultrasound and framed footprints. She was in their room where she would have been in just a few months time. 

It was also the first time they decided to sit down and look at the pictures the photographer and hospital had taken. 

They sat together on the couch and opened the envelope. There were several photos inside. The first was of Hime laying on a small scale wrapped loosely in a blanket. They could see her tiny hands and fingers. 

The next were the photos from the hospital photographer. Tsukishima didn’t even remember her being in the room during those moments, though he did remember the moments themselves. The first was of the nurse handing Hime to him. He looked exhausted and a little desperate. Kuroo was in the background watching with a small smile, his eyes red. 

The second photo was of Tsukishima measuring his fingertip against Hime’s. He looked surprised. The third was of him handing Hime off to Kuroo, followed by a photo of Kuroo looking moments from breaking down while also staring adoringly at their little girl. 

The final photo was of Tsukishima holding the bundle back in his arms with Kuroo holding tight to the two of them, his face buried against Tsukishima’s neck. 

“They’re good photos,” Kuroo said softly. “I’m glad they did them for us.” 

They framed what Kuroo called the family photo and put it on the nightstand next to everything else. 

Every morning after that Kuroo woke up and greeted Tsukishima with a kiss and then a cheerful “good morning, Hime!” It was something he needed to do, Tsukishima knew, but every time he heard it, he felt a knife twist deeper into his chest. 

But he smiled and bore it because he wasn’t the only one hurting, and if this helped his mate, he would deal with it. 

Sometimes he would catch Kuroo after he’d come home from a long day at work whispering to their makeshift shrine, and the guilt ate at him. He would retreat to Hime’s room and curl up under the blanket, staring at the crib, darkness closing in on him. 

Some days it felt like they were growing further apart. Maybe it was his fault. He’d lost the baby. Even though the doctor had said it was nothing he had done, he didn’t believe a word of it. Why else wasn’t Hime still here? 

So stuck in his grief, he didn’t realize how much time had passed until it was too late. He was so distracted by everything that he ignored his body’s signals until his heat was bearing down on him. And he was terrified. He hadn’t been taking suppressants and condoms for an alpha/omega pair were only so effective. 

When Kuroo came home, Tsukishima was standing in the center of their living room. His scent must have hit Kuroo immediately because his eyes widened and he nearly stepped onto the tatami with his street shoes. 

“Stop!” Tsukishima said, holding out a hand. He’d already made his decision, no matter how hard it was. It would be his first heat without Kuroo since their summer camp all those years ago, but he just couldn’t do it. He wasn’t ready. 

“Kei?”

“You have to leave.”

“What? Why? You’re in heat.”

“That’s why you can’t be here.”

“Moonshine, please...I can help you through this.”

“I haven’t taken my suppressants since before. I’m not ready.”

“Kei…”

“Tetsu, please leave.”

Kuroo looked so lost, but he nodded and grabbed his things before leaving and shutting the door behind him. 

And then Tsukishima fell apart. 

The pain was unbearable. He didn’t even have his old toys to help him through it. After he’d moved in with Kuroo he’d gotten rid of them. Not that they would have helped now. He took a cold shower and turned the air down as low as he could. The covers on the bed were too hot, even laying on them, and he sweated through the sheets. It took forever for the first wave to pass, unlike usual, and he cried as his body exhausted itself. He could barely stand when it was over. 

The smell of something cooking in the other room terrified him. If Kuroo had come back, he didn’t think he could do it again alone. As it was, he’d barely kept himself from calling him in his more lucid moments. 

He was surprised to see his brother in the kitchen. 

“Nii-chan.” 

“Kuroo-kun called me. He asked me to come sit with you.” He spooned out some fried rice and set the bowl on the table. “Sit and eat.” Tsukishima did so, still surprised. “I was surprised when he called me. He was very upset. Want to tell me what’s going on?”

“I can’t do it.”

“Do what?”

“Go through that again.”

“And did you talk to him about that?”

“It...happened so fast. I wasn’t thinking about it until it was too late.”

“You need to tell him that.”

“I… I know. But I can’t do that now. It needs to pass. Then… then we’ll talk.”

“Well I’ll be here until this passes. I took time off from work.”

“I’m sorry to be so much trouble.”

“Oh Kei, you’re never trouble. You’re my little brother.” 

Wanting to change the topic, he asked about his brother’s mate. “How’s Nakamura-san?”

“Really good. He just got a promotion at work, so he’s really happy.”

Tsukishima smiled faintly. “Remember when you said he was just a heat partner?” 

“Ahh…how wrong we all can be about things.” He smiled fondly at the memory. “About all things…”

“Nii-chan.” He knew where this conversation was going, and he didn’t want to have it. “I’ll talk to him when I’m ready.”

“It better be soon. I know he’s hurting, too. Even if he doesn’t act like it. He puts on a show for you.”

“Then that makes two of us.” His heat was coming back and he left the room with a water bottle. 

It lasted four days. Four days of hell without Kuroo, and it was longer than his usual two and so painful. It felt the deep ache of loneliness that he thought would never go away. He never wanted to experience that again. And the only way was to talk about it. 

His brother texted Kuroo to let him know he was heading home and that all was well, and Tsukishima hugged his brother, thanking him for coming. 

“You know I’ll always be there for you. Now talk to your mate. Rip the band-aid off. It’s time you do.”

He sighed as he let him out the door and then sat on their couch in the silence. Waiting. 

Kuroo came home a little over half an hour later. He looked haggard, and Tsukishima hated crying, he rarely did, but he was so emotionally raw from everything that when he opened his mouth to speak, a sob came out instead. 

“Shhh, I’m here now,” Kuroo said as he kicked off his shoes and hurried across the room. He tugged Tsukishima into his arms and then lifted him up. He wrapped his legs around his waist and forced out a laugh.

“I’m taller than you.”

“Still my sweet omega.”

It made him tear up again and he pressed his face against Kuroo’s neck, buried against his scent gland, as he dropped onto the couch, still holding him. 

“I shouldn’t have pushed you away.”

“I wish you hadn’t...but I understand you needed the space.”

“It was my first heat without you since...since my first heat.”

“Was it bad?”

Tsukishima nodded against him. “The worst. I missed you.” 

“You could have called. Or had your brother call. I would have been here for you.”

“I needed to do it alone.”

“Why, Kei?”

“Because I’m afraid.”

“Afraid of what, Moonshine?”

“Of losing another baby.”

The air felt heavy around him now that he’d gotten it out. It was suffocating, but Kuroo was there, rubbing a rhythmic pattern into his back. It was soothing and some of the tension left his body. 

“We need to talk about it,” Kuroo said softly. “I know it’s hard. It’s hard for both of us. I know it’s probably harder for you, but we need to talk about this, or we need to see the counselor at the hospital. We can’t keep pushing this away. It’s always going to be there.”

“I know we need to talk about it, but there wasn’t time to talk about it before my heat, and I wasn’t on suppressants. And I...I wasn’t ready for it to happen again. So I got scared.” 

“It scared me to think about you here, alone and in pain.”

“But you stayed away.”

Kuroo snorted. “Only because Bokuto sat on me and Akaashi threatened to tie me up. I would have gone to stay with Kenma but he told me to get out. I guess he knew he couldn’t have kept me away.”

Tsukishima shifted so that, if he wanted to, he could look up at Kuroo. But he felt this was best said without having to show his face while baring his soul. 

“I...don’t know if I can do this again. Do that again. I mean the pup.” 

Kuroo was silent for a long time before he nodded. “If that’s what you want.”

“What do you want?”

“What I want doesn’t matter, Kei. You matter. And it’s your choice in the end.” He leaned back and smiled at Tsukishima but there were still tears in his eyes. 

“It’s not completely about me…” He stared down at his mate and kissed his eyes. “This time...it was too soon. It’s only been three months. And I just couldn’t. But maybe...maybe next time I’ll be ready to try again.”

“Only if you want to. It’s up to you. If you want me to leave again, I’ll leave. If you want me to stay, I’ll stay.”

“But do you want to?”

Kuroo was silent for several moments before he finally nodded and admitted, “yes, I do. But again, it’s not about me. This isn’t a dealbreaker, Kei. No matter what, I’m not going anywhere. I wouldn’t even if we weren’t bonded. I love you and that will  _ never _ change.” 

So. They had three months to wait and plan and prepare themselves again. Tsukishima’s mind changed nearly everyday. Would he be ready when his heat came? Maybe he wouldn’t. If he wasn’t, would he be the one after that? At what point did they give up? Kuroo still greeted Hime every morning, and maybe Tsukishima started saying good night in the evenings. They were getting better. It was hard, it would always be hard, but it was bearable. 

Yamaguchi and Yachi found time away from work to visit them and Yamaguchi threw himself at Tsukishima. 

“Tsukki!”

“Careful, Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki.”

Yachi smiled. “We’re glad we’re finally able to visit. We’re sorry we weren’t able to. Before.”

“We weren’t really having visitors before.”

Kuroo leaned his head around the corner and grinned. “Long time no see! Yachi-san, you’re looking as beautiful as ever.”

She flushed and laughed. “It’s Yamaguchi now, Kuroo-san.” 

“You’ll forever be Yachi to me. Or Hitoka-chan.”

Yamaguchi raised an eyebrow but Tsukishima had already shot him a glare. 

“Good thing Tsukki is the only one for me,” he added with a wink and disappeared back into the kitchen. 

“You seem to be doing better, Tsukki.”

He shrugged and invited them into the living room. “We take it day by day. Some days are harder than others.” 

The two of them looked at each other from their seats and thanked Kuroo for the tea and snacks he brought in. They seemed to be anxious and Tsukishima tilted his head. 

“Tadashi, what is it?”

“It’s nothing, really. It’s not our business.”

“What’s not?” Kuroo asked.

Yachi flushed. “No, we won’t pry, it’s rude and inconsiderate. It’s just...something we couldn’t help thinking.” 

Realization dawned and Tsukishima looked at Kuroo. “They want to know if we’re going to try again.”

“Tsukki! We didn’t ask!”

“I can still read you like a book.”

“Sorry, Tsukki.”

“It’s fine.” He glanced at Kuroo and smiled weakly.

“It’s up to Tsukishima, but we might try again,” Kuroo said.

Yachi smiled so brightly. “That’s wonderful.”

“It is.” And it was. The closer he got to his heat, the more he started to feel at peace. The unease slowly left him. The indecision came less frequently. The doctors had everything tested and said that they found nothing that would have explained why he had miscarried. They found no genetic abnormalities, and it was nothing he had done. They assured him that volleyball had not been the issue. Knowing it wasn’t his fault and hearing it from the doctors went a long way to help assuage the guilt. He did sometimes feel it, late at night when he had time to think, but it was easier to deal with than before. 

They weren’t sure if they should tell many people they were trying again, especially since Tsukishima didn’t know if he would change his mind at the last minute. They were sure people were speculating, but they were afraid of having the same thing happen. So they told Bokuto and Akaashi and that was it. Not their parents because neither of them could bear the idea of having to tell them yet again if something went wrong. They would wait until Tsukishima was much further along. 

“Why not Kenma?” Tsukishima asked after they were driving home visiting Bokuto and Akaashi. 

“Do you think I should?”

“He is your best friend.”

“I know. But last time he seemed so uninterested in the news.”

“He did seem genuinely upset when he found out… I think you should tell him.”

So Kuroo did. Actually, he invited him over for dinner and after some coaxing Kenma finally came. He brought his games with him as well, which was par for the course. They were like a security blanket for him, Tsukishima thought. Something to hide behind when he didn’t want to talk, addiction notwithstanding. 

“I know why I’m here,” Kenma said as they were eating their meal. He was looking down at his food, hardly making eye contact. 

Kuroo and Tsukishima glanced at each other. “Oh?” Kuroo said. “Why is that?”

“You’re going to try to have another baby, right? That’s cool I guess.”

“You guess?”

“Babies aren’t really my thing. They’re loud, messy, and smell.” 

Kuroo laughed. “You and Kei are such strange omegas.”

“Oh, I’m strange now?” Tsukishima asked, eyebrows shooting up. Kenma grinned at that. 

“What? I didn’t- wait! It’s not like that! Are you two ganging up on me?”

Kenma chuckled. “Better watch out the baby doesn’t have Kuroo’s hair, Tsukishima.” 

“I shudder to think of it.”

“Oh and now you’re making fun of me.”

Kenma left and Kuroo was in great spirits. Their best friends knew, and when the time came, they would try again. Tsukishima was sure of it now. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima is anxious before his next heat, and they start going to grief counseling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has already exceeded my initial goals. I was aiming for four, maybe five chapters and had it clearly outlined. But things expanded and I realized how in-depth I was going with the details in this story. Honestly, I'm glad I'm not just glossing over things. I think this is too important to discuss, even if it's a fictional world. 
> 
> The next chapter after this is only partially written. I've officially caught up to what I had in stock, so pardon me if it takes a little longer to post chapters from here on out. I'm anticipating around ten chapters for this fic, but who knows. The boys do what they want to do. Enjoy. And as always, thank you for all of the sweet comments.

The week before his heat Tsukishima was uncharacteristically anxious. He could hardly concentrate at work, and at night he could hardly sleep. He found himself pacing and Kuroo watched him nearly wear a hole into the tatami. 

“You’re making me dizzy. Sit down.”

“Can’t. Too much energy.” 

“I can think of better ways to use that energy.” Tsukishima stopped pacing long enough to toss him a look and Kuroo laughed. “Relax, Kei. Everything is fine.” 

He couldn’t settle in bed, so Kuroo found a way to calm his racing thoughts. He rubbed their scent glands together and then pushed him into the mattress. Tsukishima always loved that weight on him, even back during their first time. Gentle nips ran down the column of his neck, and then warm, open mouthed kisses. Kuroo lavished the most attention there before moving to his collarbones and sucking up dark spots. He’d told him before that he loved marking his pale body. When Tsukishima asked why, since their scents announced each other’s claim, he said it was for betas to know, too. 

Personally he thought he was being an idiot. 

But he loved the way that tongue ran against his neck and collar and down to his nipples where he sucked until Tsukishima was a writhing mess. 

And then he dove between his legs and his cock was surrounded by hot, wet heat. 

Tsukishima moaned and gripped the sheets, pulling them. The suction increased just how he liked it and he knew he wouldn’t last long at all. He sat up and leaned over Kuroo’s thick hair, hugging him while also pressing him down. Kuroo hummed and happily obliged, swallowing around him and then swallowing everything he gave when he came.

He collapsed back on the bed gasped for breath. His body felt relaxed. When he glanced up, Kuroo was stroking himself. He started to pull his knees up, but Kuroo pushed them back down. “I got this,” he said. 

“Ah,” was his response as he languished on the bed. Sometimes Kuroo liked to “paint his body” and make art. It had turned into a joke after that one heat they spent together. And with time it had become something intimate and normal for them. 

So Tsukishima let his body relax and when he felt the first heat hit his body he opened his eyes to watch Kuroo, biting his lip in the process. 

“Fuuuck,” Kuroo swore, unable to tear his eyes away from him. When he was finished, he collapsed partially on his body while one hand rubbed the mess into Tsukishima’s skin. 

He would be sticky later, but it was worth it to see his mate so undone. 

They lay together, dozing. Kuroo had been right. His restless energy was gone and in its place was a bone-deep satisfaction. 

An hour later he was up and rinsing off the mess before relaxing in a hot bath. Kuroo joined him in the bathroom while he bathed and rinsed off his own body.

“How much time left?”

“Five days, I think,” he said, rolling his head on his shoulder to watch Kuroo scrub his hair. He loved when his hair was wet and hung down straight. 

“I’ve put in time off. Starts in four days.” 

“I’ll try to work until the day of. Otherwise I’ll drive myself crazy waiting.”

“Then leave the prep work to me.”

And so he did. And five days later, right on schedule, his heat arrived. He didn’t make it into work that day as he woke up and felt it sizzling under the surface of his skin. He was hot, but he pressed his body into Kuroo’s and tried to relax. 

He was anxious again, and the anxiety must have changed his scent because Kuroo sniffed the air as he woke up and pushed up on a shoulder to look down at him. “Everything okay?”

“I just… I’m worried.”

“Don’t think about it. It’s going to be fine. I promise.” 

“It wasn’t fine last time.” He gasped for air, suddenly unable to breathe. This was a mistake. Such a mistake. 

Kuroo pulled him close, pressing heavy weight onto him. Where it usually calmed him down, this time it made him panic more. 

“Can’t breathe!”

“Sync your breathing with mine, Moonshine. Come on, deep breath in, and out.” They repeated the process until he could breathe again, but his stomach roiled. 

“I shouldn’t be doing this. I can’t! You need to leave.”

“Kei, stop. Getting yourself worked up isn’t going to help. We do this, and we take it one day at a time. Don’t think ahead. Just focus on us and moving forward.”

Tsukishima burrowed into Kuroo’s arms. He couldn’t bear to lose another one. 

Half an hour later the heat became unbearable and he rolled on his stomach. 

This heat...it was different than all the others. Tsukishima couldn’t say why it had changed, but the desperation he usually felt during a heat was…not as frantic, and he thanked every deity for that. He felt the need burning in him, but it was different. Instead of demanding and taking what he wanted from Kuroo, he left it up to his mate. 

Kuroo pulled him up onto his knees and leaned against his back. He kissed and licked his mark and then kissed down his spine. When he reached the base he pulled back and pressed against him, slowly easing his way inside. 

“That’s it. See? Nice and slow. We got this, babe. We’re going to be okay, everything is going to be okay.”

Tsukishima sighed as they set up an easy rhythm. He felt like he was floating when Kuroo’s knot pushed into him, locking them together. 

“Feel better?” Kuroo asked as he pulled them onto their sides. 

“Mm. For now.”

Hands massaged his chest and stomach. “Want to put your collar on?” 

Tsukishima snorted. “Why?”

“Because it’s hot.”

“We haven’t used a collar for my heat since…since we mated.” 

“Maybe it’ll make us feel young again.” Tsukishima knew it was just to distract him. He could feel it through their connection. 

Again Tsukishima snorted and twisted to look back at him as well as he could. “If anyone’s old it’s you, Alpha. Fine. Get the collar.” 

Kuroo laughed and dug through the nightstand. It was in the back, he knew, and it was the only thing he’d kept from before. He sat up and let Kuroo put it around his neck. 

“Too tight?”

“It’s good.” The leather was worn and supple against his skin from years of use. It brought him back to that time after Hinata’s botched mating where he’d tried to remove that same collar and Kuroo had the presence of mind to stop him. And more importantly, that time several years ago when he’d moved in with Kuroo during university and presented himself with the collar in his hand just before his heat, and dropped it on the ground, with Kuroo’s eyes following his every move. And he dropped it on the floor. “Are you sure?” Kuroo had asked with hope in his eyes, and he’d nodded and said, “I’m ready.” 

Kuroo helped him turn onto his knees and this time wasn’t the gentle, languid pace of the first time. Kuroo seemed absolutely feral, as if the sight of the collar had triggered his rut. 

And it had. He bit at every inch of skin he could get to, and his words were absolutely filthy. Despite the earlier panic, he got lost in the sensation of his body being used as Kuroo wanted it. And he would give him anything. Or at least he’d try. 

The heat passed in two days, like usual, and Tsukishima was relieved it was done. But now the hard part began. 

It didn’t take a week for the sickness to begin. He sat up in bed shortly before their alarm went off and rushed to the bathroom. He barely made it in time. Kuroo stumbled in behind him, still mostly asleep, and rubbed his back. He got him a glass of water while Tsukishima brushed his teeth and then they were back in bed. It happened every morning for the next two weeks. Tsukishima was miserable, but they knew even without a test. He was pregnant again. 

A month after his heat they stood in the bathroom, the same position as before, and watched as the test turned positive. 

Tsukishima couldn’t breathe. 

“Babe, we got this. Take a deep breath with me.” Kuroo pressed against his back and he could feel his steady breathing. Their mixed scent clouded the room and he felt himself go boneless. Kuroo caught him. 

“We’re going to make a plan and take this a day at a time. First we’re going to call your doctor and get an appointment. Then we’re going to set out a plan to keep you healthy and calm.”

Tsukishima could only nod. They rested on the couch for some time before Kuroo handed him the phone and he called his doctor’s office. The receptionist was kind as she took his information and gave him an appointment for the next week. And with that, life went on as normal as it could. 

They went to work, they came home, and when it was Kuroo’s turn to cook, he made a meal high in protein and with more calories. Tsukishima was resigned to it. Maybe that was the problem before. Maybe he’d been underweight and Hime hadn’t gotten enough nutrition from him. So he ate as much as he could from what Kuroo put in front of him, and that made his partner happy. 

At his doctor’s appointment that next week, the doctor was pleased to see them again. “Congratulations,” he said with a pleasant smile. “There’s not much we can do this early, but we can confirm your results and talk about steps for this pregnancy.” 

Tsukishima nodded and Kuroo held his hand. 

A test confirmed their first results, and then the doctor sat down with them. 

“How are you handling your loss?”

“Fine,” Tsukishima said while Kuroo replied, “Kei’s been having trouble with anxiety and depression.”

Tsukishima glared at him. 

“I’m not going to lie to your doctor. You’re not always fine.”

“Having these feelings are understandable after your loss. Have you spoken with a counselor at the hospital?”

“No.”

“He says he won’t go.”

“I can put you in touch with someone more private. It might help to go. Even once.”

“I don’t have time between work and practice.”

Kuroo sighed. 

The doctor nodded. “I think we need to talk about your volleyball. Given what happened with your last pregnancy, I’m going to ask you to slow down on your activities. Some light practice is fine, but nothing too strenuous. And I’m not saying this because it’s the reason for last time. It was not. But out of caution we are going to treat this as a high-risk pregnancy.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you’ll come in more often for check-ups, you’ll be prescribed a healthy diet and prenatal vitamins. We’ll monitor your weight and activity levels. Exercise is still good, but not the strenuous levels of volleyball.”

“There are no games right now.”

“That’s good. But I still want only light practices.” 

“Just think, Kei. It will help you get better at setting.”

Tsukishima scowled at him. 

“I want you to make appointments before you leave for weeks eight, twelve, sixteen, and twenty. After that we will revisit your progress and determine the next steps. Just remember to take this a day at a time. Focus on the moment. Don’t stress about the future.”

“Thanks, doctor.” Kuroo shook his hand and helped Tsukishima off the table. The doctor handed him a business card and Tsukishima frowned.

“What if it’s because I’m not built like other omegas?” he asked as they climbed into the car. 

“Do you want to go back inside and ask? We’re right here.”

“No. I just...I’m not a typical omega.”

“No. You’re my omega, and you’re perfect. So stop that.” 

“What did the doctor give you?”

“The business card of a therapist. I know you don’t want to go, but please. For me. Just once. We’ll go together and deal with this as a pair.”

Tsukishima sighed. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

“No. Anything that concerns your physical or mental health I will not ignore.”

It was sweet, really. It wasn’t that Kuroo was demanding. He was, he guessed, but it was only for Tsukishima’s sake. They were halfway home before he finally nodded. “Fine. You make the appointment and I’ll go.” 

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Kuroo smile and then felt the warm weight of his hand on his knee. 

“I love you so much, Kei.”

“Love you, too.”

The appointment was made for the following week. Honestly, Tsukishima was surprised they got in so quickly. When they arrived at the office and he saw “grief counselor” written on the door he sighed and glared at Kuroo. 

“Remember, we need this. At least once.”

Tsukishima nodded and together they walked into the small waiting room. No one else was there, not even a receptionist. So they sat in two of the four chairs and listened to the sound of light music playing through the room.

After just a few moments of waiting, the door opposite them opened and a small woman, omega, peeked around the corner. 

“Kuroo-san and Tsukishima-san? Please come in.”

The room was warm and sparsely furnished. In one corner of the room there was a desk with a comfortable looking chair behind it. The desk was near. Two bookcases stood off to the side. One was filled with the books, and the other was filled with toys. Tsukishima wondered how many children had been in this office before and why they had been there. 

An overstuffed couch sat beneath a window, and the doctor sat down in a single armchair across from them. A low table was between them with various pamphlets and even coloring paper and crayons. Overall the room was comforting and her scent, a soft lavender, was making him tired. 

“I’m Yuki. Thank you for coming in today. Kuroo-san told me a little about your situation. I want you to know that everyone experienced grief differently. There is no right way or wrong way to experience it. We are here to talk about your feelings, any difficulty you are facing, and find ways to work around them.”

Tsukishima stared at the table and Kuroo rubbed his back. 

“Kuroo-san, how did you feel about the loss of your child?”

“How do you put that into words? Disbelief, pain. Fear for Kei. Helplessness. I knew he would blame himself and I knew nothing I did could stop that.” 

“And Tsukishima-san, do you feel you are to blame?”

“Yes.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I was carrying her. The doctors said there was nothing I did that caused it, but  _ something  _ caused it and she was closest to me.”

“I see. Kuroo-san, have you talked to him about this?”

“Many times. I thought we’d moved past this.”

“It’s still something I think about when it’s too quiet.” 

“Your mate tells me you’re expecting again. How do you feel?”

“Excited. Terrified. Inadequate.”

“Let’s start with that first one. It’s wonderful you feel excited. This is a wonderful, beautiful thing. What are you terrified of?”

“Losing another baby.” He gasped for air and Kuroo took his hand. 

“What thoughts go through your mind?”

“That I’ll do something wrong again. That something is wrong with this baby. That I’m not meant to be a parent.” 

“Have you done anything your doctor would consider wrong?”

“No…”

“Are you following the instructions the doctor gave you?”

“Yes…”

“Then it seems your fears are grounded in what happened in the past. Losing a child is a devastating experience. Yet you found the courage to try again. That is something to be proud of, Tsukishima-san.”

He hadn’t really thought of it that way. 

“Now, why do you feel inadequate?”

“Because I lost the baby.”

Kuroo sighed and hung his head. “Oh Kei.”

“In what ways does that make you feel inadequate?”

Tsukishima shifted uncomfortably on the sofa and looked anywhere but at Kuroo. “As a parent. As an omega. As a mate.”

“Kuroo-san, how does it make you feel, hearing that?”

“Angry. Not at Kei really, but that he thinks that. He’s not inadequate in any of those things. I wish he wouldn’t be so hard on himself.” Tsukishima saw him shift out of the corner of his eye and he knew he was looking at him intensely. “Kei, you never were and never will be inadequate in any of those things. You’re everything I wanted in a mate. How can you think otherwise? We met in  _ high school _ and I waited for you to be ready on your own terms I loved you so much. And I still do. More, even.”

Tsukishima swallowed the lump in his throat and offered him a quick glance. 

“I wish I could take all of your negative feelings away.” Kuroo looked back at the therapist. “He was like this even in high school. The first time we met he was talking down about himself.”

“I was not.”

Kuroo snorted. “You were. I told you to loosen up and you told me you weren’t good at those things. And then again at the training camp, you were putting yourself down in comparison to Hinata. I thought you’d gotten better about all of that but you’re beating yourself up again.” 

Tsukishima hung his head and Kuroo wrapped an arm around him. 

“Tsukishima-san. Why do you feel the need to put yourself down?” 

He shrugged. “I guess...if I don’t put myself up high I can’t disappoint people.”

“Oh babe, does this have to do with your brother?” Kuroo turned to the therapist and explained to her. She nodded. There was a soft chime. 

“I’m afraid that our time is over for today, but I would really like to see you again. I think we have a lot of underlying issues we can work through to get everyone to a better place.”

“Thank you. I’ll call to make an appointment.”

Yuki walked them to the door and waved at them as they left. No one else was in the waiting room and Tsukishima was glad for that. He felt drained. His body felt heavy and he felt like he could sleep for days. His eyes burned. There was lead in his feet. Kuroo took his hand and held it all the way to the car, and then opened the door for him.

“I think we need to go back,” Kuroo said. “I know you only agreed to one session, but I really think it helped.”

“Can we talk about it after I sleep?”

Kuroo smiled as he put the car in drive. “Sure.” 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima continues with therapy and reveals some strong emotions. Weeks 8 through 16 of his pregnancy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your comments!

They did talk about it after Tsukishima slept. He hadn’t realized how exhausting therapy could be, or the incredible relief he felt afterwards when he woke up from his nap. It was like a pressure was removed from his chest. Kuroo made an appointment for them the following week. In the lead up to it, the weight steadily grew again on his chest and shoulders, but after another session, this one with tears, he napped and woke up feeling relief. This happened each time over the next month, but the guilt and grief between each session lessened. 

In between the sessions, Tsukishima went to his coach and explained the situation. His coach was understanding and agreed that less intense practices were best for him. There would be no diving drills in his future. There were no official games scheduled, and he would sit out practice matches. He could still do blocking practice and set for the others, and on occasion practice his spikes, but under no circumstances would he be in the back row. 

Koganegawa and Kyotani were quiet when he informed them of the new arrangements. “So you’re like, really trying again?”

“It’s more than trying if he’s already pregnant, idiot.” Kyotani said. 

Koganegawa looked weepy and asked if he could see his stomach. Tsukishima sighed and lifted the hem of his shirt. It wasn’t like he didn’t change in front of them anyway. But the intense scrutiny he was not expecting. 

“You put on a little weight,” Kyotani said. “I think you’re bigger this time around.”

“Uh, I’m pretty sure even I know you’re not supposed to say that to pregnant women and omegas.”

“What? I meant it as a compliment. He’s clearly eating well. As he should.”

Tsukishima flushed and dropped his shirt. It was true. He was eating better. And his stomach hadn’t really changed from the baby yet, but he had put on a few pounds from Kuroo’s cooking. Kuroo was thrilled. He dealt with it. 

At eight weeks they had another appointment and the doctor was pleased at his weight gain. His stomach was measured, blood tests were taken, and then he was given an ultrasound. 

Kuroo stood by his side, holding his hand the entire time as the doctor worked and then smiled as a familiar sound filled the room. Both of them released their breaths and the doctor turned the screen so they could see the tiny fetus. 

“There they are. Tiny right now, but looking good.” Without even being asked he printed two photos and handed them to Kuroo. “You’ve made good progress. How have things been?”

“We’re seeing a grief counselor. It’s been helpful. We see her every week.”

“I’m glad to hear that. It can be helpful to talk through your emotions. How have you been feeling, Tsukishima-san?” 

“The nausea has mostly passed. I’m eating well, more proteins now. I am tired a lot.”

“That’s great to hear about your diet, and being tired is natural. You’re growing a person in there. And volleyball?”

“Benched for any games, setting and blocking practices, some spiking. Nothing in the back line.”

“Good. Remember, if you feel any discomfort stop immediately and contact me. Do you have any other questions?”

Both of them shook their heads and were sent out the door with more vitamins and went home. 

The rest of the week passed in a blur. There was always work to be done at the museum, and a few nights the following week Kuroo was traveling for work. Tsukishima was anxious about him being gone and going to therapy alone, but he managed it. 

“You said Kuroo-san is traveling?”

“For work, yes.”

“How does that make you feel right now?”

“It...it’s fine.”

“You hesitated.”

Tsukishima scowled. “It’s stupid.”

“Nothing is stupid if it genuinely bothers you.” 

“It’s just...I didn’t have a problem with him traveling for work before. Sometimes he was gone for a week or two at a time covering events.”

“And now?”

“Now...what if something happens to the baby? I’ll be alone.”

“Why do you feel that something will happen to the baby?” Tsukishima felt his anger rising.

“Because I lost the first one!” he snapped. He looked around, startled, and she smiled. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“Don’t be. Anger is a natural part of the grieving process. There are typically five stages of grief, but everyone experiences grief differently and the stages are not always set in the same order from everyone. Have you experienced any other instances of anger?” 

Tsukishima thought about it and started to shake his head but paused. “Does...anger at myself count?” 

“Yes. Sometimes we feel anger internally. We feel angry at ourselves for not being able to prevent some tragedy, even if it is not something we were able to control.” 

Tsukishima hung his head. 

“Tell me what you’re thinking or feeling.” 

“I...it’s so hard to control how I feel around Kuroo. I try so hard to hide it so that he won’t feel it, too. When he’s not around it’s easier to let it slip.” 

“Let what slip?” 

“How much I hate myself for what happened.” 

“You still blame yourself for what happened?” 

Tsukishima nodded. “Yes. I just...I don’t see how it can’t be because of something I did. It doesn’t make sense.” 

“Not all things make sense. Not all things  _ have _ to make sense. Miscarriage-”

“Is common during the first trimester, I know. I have a book. But I wasn’t in my first trimester anymore. The chances were so low.” He felt his eyes prick from tears and he wiped at them.

“Yes, chances are lower, but it still happens. You’ve told me in previous sessions that the doctors told you it was not your fault. Why is it difficult for you to accept their expertise?” 

“Because if it wasn’t my fault, there had to have been something wrong with Hime, but they couldn’t determine the cause.” 

“Again, this happens.” 

“But why  _ me? _ ” Tsukishima demanded, shouting. “Why did it have to be me? Why, after I finally decided this would be okay and I could give my mate what he wanted did I have to lose the baby? Our friends had no trouble at all with their pregnancy and they have a healthy little boy and they're so happy. It hurts so much to see them all together and I have to squash every feeling I have so Kuroo doesn’t know. I can’t show it so I don’t make them feel bad. So they don’t pity me. Hime should be here with us now. She would be three months old now. So why isn’t she?” 

Yuki smiled sadly. “I can’t tell you that. I wish I could. But it’s good to get these things out. How do you feel?” 

“So tired.” Tsukishima closed his eyes and fell back against the couch. He put a hand on his stomach, feeling the tiniest bump.

“We’ve had a hard session today. Being tired is understandable.” She got up and pulled out a bottle of water from behind her desk and handed it to Tsukishima. It was cold and felt good in his hands. “Drink that. Will you be able to make it home okay?” 

He did as she instructed and sipped the water. He hadn’t realized how parched his throat was. “Yes. I should be fine.” 

“When you get home, rest. If I have to write a prescription for it, I will.” She winked when he looked at her and he snorted softly. “Same time next week?” 

“Yes.” He said. And that was the first appointment he made on his own. 

Getting home was no problem, but as soon as he walked in the door and took his shoes off, exhaustion hit him. He wanted to collapse on the couch, but he knew if he tried to sleep there, his back would hurt. So he dragged himself to the bedroom and managed to get into comfortable clothes before passing out in bed. 

Kuroo was back the next day.

“How was therapy yesterday?”

“It was...illuminating.”

“Oh? Am I going to get more than that?”

“No. I’d rather not.”

Kuroo frowned. “Kei.”

“It’s...something I need to process on my own.”

“If you say so.”

Week twelve. Tsukishima stared down at his stomach in the mirror, looking at it every which way. Kuroo admired him from the doorway.

“Looking good.”

“Looking fat.”

“Looking healthily pregnant. With my pup.” Kuroo was plastered against his back seconds later, hands on his stomach and lips against his neck.

“I’m bigger now than I was with Hime.”

“You better be with how much food I’m cooking. You look great, babe. Can’t keep my hands off of you.”

Tsukishima snorted. “I noticed.”

The visit to the doctor was another good one. The ultrasound showed more growth, and Kuroo happily grabbed the shots printed off for him. 

“Baby is about two inches long now which is perfectly on track for growth. How are you feeling?”

“Less tired than before.”

“That’s good. And volleyball?”

“Still taking it easy. Still fine.”

“Good. Any questions?”

Tsukishima glanced at Kuroo and they both shook their heads. “No.”

“Good. Then I’ll see you in another four weeks!”

The next week Tsukishima woke up...unbelievably horny. He stared at the ceiling, startled by how hard he was. Until that point, the idea of sex was just completely out of the picture. Now, it was all he could think of. He woke up Kuroo by pressing closer and throwing a leg over him. 

“Hmm? Wha?” Kuroo mumbled as he woke up. Tsukishima ground against his leg. 

“I’m...I need you.”

“Mm...well this is a nice surprise.” Kuroo chuckled and rolled him onto his back and pulled his shorts down and tossed them behind him on the floor. 

“Damn, Kei. You’re wet.”

“Umm...yeah.” He felt his face heat. “I’m...I really need you.”

“That horny?”

Tsukishima scowled. “Don’t be crass. Just give it to me.”

“Look who’s being crass now.” 

But he obliged and Tsukishima held onto him tightly, moving to meet him thrust for thrust. It felt incredible, as if all of his senses were heightened.

“Feel so good,” Kuroo moaned, leaning down to suck marks on his skin. Tsukishima couldn’t be bothered to respond as he pulled Kuroo against him and chased his own orgasm. 

When they were finished, he curled up, content. 

“What brought that on?” Kuroo asked. He had his arms around Tsukishima and was idly rubbing his back. 

“Dunno.”

“Well, whatever it was, I hope it happens again.”

And it did. For the next two weeks Tsukishima was nearly insatiable. He woke up horny and fucked Kuroo as soon as he was aware enough to know what was going on. At night, he demanded it before sleep. One time he’d climbed into the tub with Kuroo and they’d made a mess with water sloshing out of the tub and onto the floor. 

“Well, I mean at least it’s easier to clean up this time,” Kuroo laughed.

And just the other day he’d surprised Kuroo nearly the moment he’d walked in the door. Tsukishima caught his scent and was on him as soon as his shoes were off. Off balance, Kuroo slammed his back into the wall and laughed.

“This is my favorite greeting,” he said between kisses. “You wanna do it on the floor right here?” Kuroo whispered in his ear, biting gently on his lobe.

“Don’t care as long as I get fucked,” Tsukishima moaned. 

They ended up in the bedroom because Kuroo was worried the floor would hurt Tsukishima’s back. 

Friday night Bokuto and Akaashi came over for their visit. While Bokuto and Kuroo played some video game, Tsukishima and Akaashi sat on the couch, watching. 

“Can I ask you something personal?” Tsukishima said quietly.

Akaashi tilted his head towards him. “Hmm?”

“When you were pregnant...did you ever…have moments where you...were constantly...on Bokuto-san?”

“You mean moments when my libido was really high?”

Tsukishima flushed. “Yes.”

“Mmm...completely natural. It’s the hormone fluctuations. Did that not happen before?”

“No…”

“Ah, well enjoy it. By the time I got to my third trimester I wanted to cut off Bokuto’s hand if he got near me. I guess it’s not like that for everyone but ask Bokuto and he’ll tell you it was the hardest time of his life.”

“I can imagine.”

They enjoyed dinner that night, and the next week they were at the other house. Keijirou was getting bigger and he was starting to talk a little more. 

And it was kind of cute. Even if Tsukishima did feel that horrible pant of jealousy when he saw Keijirou run on his chubby legs to Akaashi to be picked up. Kuroo glanced over at him and he tried his hardest to tamp it down. 

Sometimes the visits were easier, but this one was harder. His next appointment was soon. He was sixteen weeks along. So close to when Hime…

“Tukki!”

Keijirou reached out for him and Akaashi handed him off without another word. It was all it took for Tsukishima not to drop him. 

“Play?”

He didn’t really want to, but what monster said no to a kid with Bokuto’s expressive eyes. Wearing a dinosaur shirt. One Tsukishima was pretty sure he’d bought at some point. 

“Okay.” 

He set him in the ground and found himself playing with dinosaurs. Well. Playing wasn’t the right word. Maybe it was playing for Keijirou but all Tsukishima did was hold the dinosaurs until Keijirou wanted a different one, and he watched as they were marched around and occasionally crashed into each other. 

It was cute.

And it fucking hurt. 

When they were in the car on the way home later that night, after Keijirou had been put to bed and they had strawberry shortcake for dessert, all it took to break his defenses was a simple “Kei?” and his walls crumbled. 

He sobbed the whole ride home, the whole walk to their apartment, and continued crying until he exhausted himself. His face was swollen, his eyes blurred, and his nose stuffed. He held onto his stomach and tried to soothe himself by reassuring himself this baby was still there. 

“Can we talk about it?”

“What’s to talk about.”

“Umm… the fact that you cried the entire way home? And before that the intense resentment you felt? I know you tried to hide it but I noticed it before you could shut down.”

“Am I a horrible person?”

“What? No. No! What would make you think that?” Kuroo slid closer to him on the sofa and put a comforting arm around him. Their mixed scent intensified and made Tsukishima relax. It also made him spill his secrets. 

“Because sometimes I hate Akaashi.” 

“You hate him? Why...oh Kei.” 

“Why else? Because he did what I couldn’t do.” 

“Did you talk to the therapist about this?”

“Yes. When you were on your trip.” Kuroo sometimes skipped appointments, but Tsukishima always went. 

“What did she say?”

He shrugged. “It was more my talking it out.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“Because that would make me a horrible person?”

“Never. It’s okay you feel that why. Why don’t we take some time off from visiting with them.”

“Akaashi will know something is wrong.”

“It doesn’t matter what Akaashi thinks. What matters is you feeling better about this.”

So they decided to take a break from their visits. Bokuto whined over the phone in the background as Kuroo talked to Akaashi. He didn’t tell him outright why, but Tsukishima could tell by the pause and tone of Akaashi’s voice that he knew.

Week sixteen. Tsukishima sat on the couch the day of their appointment, feeling the first little bubbles. It reminded him of Hime and he smiled. He was still smiling when Kuroo walked into the room, ready to leave. 

“What is it?”

“The baby. Moving around.”

They were alone this time and Kuroo held his hand over the spot, with Tsukishima’s hand over it. Kuroo leaned down and kissed the bump and Tsukishima flushed and scowled. 

At the appointment the doctor was happy to hear about the movements. Multiple tests were run with blood drawn and more. The ultrasound showed another image that nearly made Kuroo weep.

“Looking good again! Baby is the size of a ripe avocado.”

“I might never be able to eat them again,” Tsukishima said dryly. 

“Some parents like to make comparisons so they can visualize it better. The other good news is your baby is able to hear you now. They’ll be able to recognize you when they’re born. So start talking!”

“Oh, I’ll be talking to the baby all the time.”

“Great,” Tsukishima said with a sigh. 

“How are you feeling?”

He wasn’t going to discuss his sex life, so he said “fine” while Kuroo smirked. The doctor gave Kuroo a knowing look. 

“Good. As long as you don’t push yourself too much.”

“I’ll personally make sure he doesn’t.”

“Well, I’ll see you again in four weeks. Almost time to find out if this is a little boy or a little girl.”

Four more weeks would put him at twenty weeks. The same time he’d lost Hime. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo and Tsukishima find out the sex of their baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy times!

Getting to twenty weeks was the most nerve-wracking time of his life. He wasn’t focused at work. He wasn’t focused at practice and after nearly being hit three times, the coach benched him. At home it wasn’t any better. 

They had stopped visiting Bokuto and Akaashi. Kuroo thought maybe the change in routine had triggered it, but Tsukishima knew it wasn’t that. 

He tried to hide it, and he did for a while, but he started to have panic attacks. At first it was just a minute of anxiety that he settled with a hand to his stomach and a reminder that this one was still there. But they increased in length and severity. He started to have them at home when Kuroo was still at work. 

The first time he had one in front of Kuroo he was able to throw it away as a one off. But when they came on more often in Kuroo’s presence, he knew he was in trouble. After a particularly bad one that left him shaking and gasping for air on the floor, Kuroo couldn’t leave it alone anymore.

“Why didn’t you bring this up in therapy?”

“Didn’t think it was a big deal.”

“Kei, seriously? That was pretty bad. If it was bad for me to watch, it had to be worse for you to experience.”

“I’ll be fine. Once I get to twenty weeks this will pass. I’m just…I’m worried. What if-“

“Stop. We are not going to go there. No what if games that will make you panic again. Come in. Let’s go lay down.” 

Kuroo pulled him up from the floor and steered him into the bedroom where he got him settled and then lay down with him. He rested his head lightly on his belly and talked. 

“Your daddy is very silly,” Kuroo said. “He’s getting so worried about you but you and I know you’re just fine in there. All safe and warm.” Tsukishima felt the anxiety ease as the room flooded with their scent. He ran his fingers through Kuroo’s hair and chuckled a little when he felt the baby kick. 

“Hey! What was that for?” Kuroo sounded affronted. 

“They’re telling you you’re a sap.”

“Maybe I am but it made you feel better, right?”

“Mmmm.”

At therapy he talked about the increased anxiety and the therapist offered some suggestions for how to calm himself down or to keep calm when he felt one approaching. He tried the techniques at home. Some worked well enough, like listening to music and taking deep breaths. Others did not. 

The day before his appointment he was nearly out of his skin. He wasn’t focusing on cooking and almost burned dinner. When Kuroo got home late he was agitated and could barely rein in his temper. Kuroo ate the dinner, even if it was overcooked, and rubbed Tsukishima’s back when they lay in bed. 

“Tomorrow is going to be fine,” he said softly in his ear, his arms around him and cradling his ever increasing stomach. “I promise.”

Tsukishima slept poorly that night, and he was glad the appointment was in the morning so they could get it out of the way. The baby greeted him with a strong kick that took him by surprise and he winced. 

“What? What is it? Do we need to go to the hospital?” Kuroo panicked, grabbing his keys before he was even dressed. 

“No, no, that was the baby saying good morning.” He made a face when the baby did it again. “Come here and feel this. Now I know what your mother went through.”

Kuroo put his hand over the spot and waited. When the kick came, he groaned. 

“What’s wrong with you? I’m the one getting kicked.”

“He kicks like a soccer player! Aw man, I want a little volleyball player.” 

“I just want a healthy baby. Even if they hate volleyball.” 

“You’re right.” 

They finished getting dressed and Kuroo drove them to the appointment.

Even though they were one of the first appointments of the day, Tsukishima was sure they were being forced to wait longer than necessary. When the nurse finally called them in and got them settled in the room, he breathed a sigh of relief. 

This appointment wouldn’t be easy. He knew there were more tests to run, but it was seeing the baby healthy he was most anxious for. The nurse took his blood, filled out paperwork, and then left them to wait for the doctor. Tsukishima eyed the ultrasound machine while Kuroo examined all of the posters on the wall. 

“Good morning!” the doctor said as he walked into the room. “We are halfway there. Are you ready to take a look at the baby?”

“Yes!” Kuroo nearly shouted over Tsukishima’s more quiet affirmative. 

Pants pushed down and shirt pulled up, Tsukishima knew the routine by now. The gel was cold but worth it when that heartbeat filled the room. Tsukishima felt a weight fall off his shoulders and he could finally breathe. Tears pricked his eyes as he watched the screen. 

“Baby is a little over six inches long now. Not quite a pound yet.” The doctor smiled. “Aha. I see what we are working with now. Would you like to know your baby’s sex?”

Tsukishima looked at Kuroo who smiled and nodded. “Yes,” Tsukishima said. 

He was torn. For weeks he’d been silently wondering what they would have. Would it be a little girl like Hime? A little sister? Or would it be a boy? He blinked away the tears at the thought of Hime not having the chance to be a big sister. This should have been a happy moment, but it was bittersweet. 

The doctor made notations on the screen. “Meet your little boy. Congratulations.” 

Tsukishima let out a sob, hardly able to see the screen where the doctor had written “I’m a boy” above the baby. 

Kuroo squeezed his hand.

“Everything looks great. We will get your blood tests run and send you the results, but that’s standard procedure.” The doctor printed the usual pictures and handed them to Kuroo who looked at them solemnly. 

The doctor smiled and helped clean Tsukishima up. “I’m very happy for the two of you. I know how difficult this has been for you.”

“Do you think it’s safe to tell everyone now?” Tsukishima asked quietly.

“Yes. I’m sure everyone will be thrilled to hear your news.”

“Thank you, doctor.”

“Now that we’ve passed this hurdle, we're halfway there. Keep getting plenty of sleep, eat well, and stay hydrated.”

The doctor left them with another congratulations and Tsukishima made an appointment.

In the car on the ride home Tsukishima stared at the photo. It was almost unbelievable.

“I think we should tell our parents in person.”

“Yeah. I think so.”

“And Yamaguchi and Kenma.” 

“We should tell Bokuto and Akaashi, too.”

“They’ll be happy to see us.” Kuroo was silent as he turned down their street. “I’m so happy, Kei. A little boy. I bet he’ll look like you.”

“Your features are more dominant. He’ll have your awful hair.”

“Hey! You love my hair.”

“I love you. I never said I loved your hair.”

They both had to go back to work after that, but when they got home that night they discussed the coming weekend. 

“Should we tell our parents we’re coming, or just show up?”

“We have to tell your parents at least,” Tsukishima said. “I don’t want to take a train all the way to Tokyo to find out they were out for the weekend.”

“‘Mm. Good point.”

“My parents, we can just stop by. They don’t go anywhere.” 

“So we go there Saturday, and then see my parents Sunday?”

“I’d rather we did it the same day. Knowing my mother she won’t be able to resist calling your mother. My father can hold her off a few hours at least.”

Kuroo nodded. “Okay, so I’ll call my parents and let them know we’re coming down because I have work and we’ll stop in and visit?”

Tsukishima nodded. It sounded like a good plan. While Kuroo called his mother, he sat down and looked at the picture of the baby again. 

They’d have to think of names now. Hime had been perfect for their little princess, but this one wasn’t spur of the moment. 

The next day they were driving to Tsukishima’s parents when he brought up therapy. 

“I think I’m ready to stop. I think this week should be our last appointment.”

“Are you sure? We can go as long as you need to.”

“No…I think…I think I found something that can give me, us, peace.”

“What is it?”

“Mizuko kuyo.”

Kuroo breathed in. “I...hadn’t even thought of that. That’s genius, Moonshine.”

“I didn’t think of it before. Maybe they won’t do it because it’s too late.”

“I’m sure they will. I’ll look into it this week. Leave it to me.”

They parked outside of Tsukishima’s house and Kuroo led the way past the gate to the front door. It was still fairly early so they could get to Tokyo in time, but Tsukishima knew his parents would be awake. And, judging by the other car, his brother was visiting as well. 

What a stroke of luck. 

Kuroo pressed the doorbell and Tsukishima stood behind him, hiding his belly for the moment. His bigger clothes weren’t loose anymore and he’d taken to stealing Kuroo’s larger shirts. He’d have to go shopping soon. 

The door opened and his mother stared in surprise and then smiled. “Kuroo! What a surprise! All of my boys coming home to visit today? Come in! We’re just having breakfast. You didn’t need to knock on the door. Kei, what are you doing hiding?”

Kuroo stepped in to remove his shoes and Tsukishima smiled and followed him in. He’d just toed off his shoes when his mother registered his stomach and she let out a loud cry of surprise that had his father running from upstairs. 

“Oh Kei!” She grabbed him tightly and hugged him, nearly squeezing the air from his lungs.

“Surprise,” he said. Kuroo laughed. 

“What is it?” His father asked and he could see his brother and mate peeking from the living room.

“We’re going to be grandparents!”

There was hardly time to say anything before Tsukishima and Kuroo were being ushered into the living room with hugs, handshakes, and some tears. 

“How far along are you?” Akiteru was the first to ask.

“Twenty weeks.”

“Twenty weeks!” his mother gasped. “You kept it a secret for that long?”

Kuroo held onto Tsukishima’s hand and squeezed it. “We wanted to be sure. Last time...it was so hard. But the doctor said everything looks good. Our little boy is healthy.”

“Did you say boy?” his father asked. They both smiled. 

“Yes.”

His mother was crying again and his father was slapping Kuroo’s back. “Congratulations.”

“I’m happy for you, Kei.”

“Thanks, Nii-chan.”

His mother turned on Akiteru. “When can we expect kids from you?”

“Mom, please,” his brother winced. 

“We’ve decided not to have kids,” Nakamura said. “It’s just not for us.”

“Hmm…” his mother said. “We’ll see.”

Akiteru sighed and shook his head. Tsukishima jumped in to save his brother the harassment. “You mentioned breakfast?”

“Oh! You must be starving. Have you been eating well?”

Tsukishima followed her into the kitchen after his brother sent him a look of thanks. 

“Yes, very well.”

“Good. When I was pregnant with you I was hungry all the time.” She fixed him a plate and sat him down at the table. Then she fixed one for Kuroo and called him in as well. 

“We can’t stay too long,” Tsukishima said between bites. “We’re going down to Tokyo to visit Tetsurou’s parents so please don’t call them.”

“I promise I’ll behave. Will I be able to call tomorrow?”

“Sure,” Kuroo said. “If she doesn’t already call you by then.”

“Is there anything you need? For the baby? Oh, I can go shopping again!”

“We...still have things set up from Hime. We don’t need any more, really.”

“You’ll still need baby clothes. And toys.”

“The toys from Hime are enough. Really.”

“Let me spoil my first grandson.”

Grandson. Not grandchild. It made Tsukishima tear up to know Hime was still included and always would be.

“Are okay, Kei-chan?”

“Just hormones, Kaasan.”

“I remember those days.”

They didn’t stay much longer before they said their goodbyes with promises to visit more often. At the train station they got a gift for Kuroo’s parents and Kuroo called to let them know they were on their way. 

“This feels familiar,” Tsukishima said as they found comfortable seats. 

“Mmm, it does, doesn’t it. I can’t believe we managed that so long ago.” Kuroo laughed quietly. “We were crazy kids.” 

“And you’re a crazy adult.”

“I cannot deny that.”

“Remember that time you took me to a love hotel?”

“I was so nervous. I thought you’d punch me for it,” Kuroo admitted sheepishly. 

“We should go back there.”

“What? Really? We have our own place…”

“We never did get to try out that tub.”

Kuroo grinned. “Should we go before or after we visit my parents?”

Tsukishima pretended to be scandalized. “You already told your parents we were on our way.” 

“We could always get sidetracked in Tokyo.”

“Maybe another time.”

“Thanks for crushing my dreams, Moonshine.”

Maybe once the baby was born they could visit and use needing a break to “shop” as an excuse to visit the hotel again. But right now he just wanted to make sure everyone knew. 

When they arrived at his childhood home, Kuroo let them in. “I’m home!” he called out. 

“Welcome back!” his father called from somewhere inside, likely his office. His mother came down the stairs smiling. 

“It’s so good to see you boys. It’s been far too…” she trailed off as she caught sight of Tsukishima and gasped. “How far?”

“Twenty weeks.” 

“Oh, my boys.” She reached out and managed to get both of them in her arms despite her much smaller frame. Tsukishima’s stomach got in the way. “I’m so happy for you. Did you find out the sex yet?”

“Just the other day,” Kuroo said. “It’s a boy.” 

“What’s all this chatter out here? Am I being left out?” his father asked, and when Kuroo’s mother moved aside he grinned broadly. “Well, will you look at that. Someone has been keeping secrets.”

“It’s a grandson this time,” she said. “I need to start buying clothes. Oh! Does-“

“Yes, my mother knows.”

“Oh good! I must call her.” And with that she went off to get her phone. 

“I think they talk every day,” his father said. “Always planning something. How have you boys been doing?”

“We’re doing okay,” Kuroo said, tugging Tsukishima into the familiar living room so they could sit down. “It’s been hard but…we’ve been working through it.”

“We’re sorry we couldn’t be there more often.”

“It was something we needed to get through on our own.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“I needed to,” Tsukishima said quietly. “But...we’re good now.” He rested a hand on his stomach. They were definitely good.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima and Kuroo tell everyone about the baby. Bokuto puts his foot in his mouth.

While Kuroo continued to look for a suitable place for Hime’s ceremony, they reinstated their visit with Akaashi and Bokuto. But first they had one last therapy session to get through. 

“So. Our last session,” Yuki said with a smile. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired. But...in a better place.”

“You’ve made a lot of progress, Tsukishima-san. I hope you’re proud of that.”

“I wouldn’t say proud exactly, but...just accepting.”

“Well I’m proud of him,” Kuroo said, resting a hand on his thigh. “And I wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done for us.”

“No thanks needed. Helping get you to this point means I’ve done my job well. What are your next steps?” She asked. 

“We decided to have a  _ mizuko kuyo _ for Hime. We’re still looking for a suitable temple.”

“That’s a wonderful idea. I hope it brings you peace.”

Tsukishima nodded. He wasn’t sure what the ceremony would do for him or how he would feel after it but...it felt like the right thing to do. He wasn’t exactly a spiritual person, though he did visit the temple for New Year with Kuroo, but that had been the extent of it. 

“And your friends?”

“We’re going to see them again this week. Now that I’m here and...past that point, I think I can manage.”

“He’s been working very hard,” Kuroo said. 

“You have been, too. Keeping me grounded.”

“What are mates for?” Kuroo grinned.

Tsukishima felt relief when they finally left that office. Yuki-san was nice, but he’d be happy if he never saw her again. She reminded him too much of his darkest moments. 

That week was busy at work for both of them. Kuroo came home later but Tsukishima wasn’t angry about it. At his own work he sometimes stayed a little later to catch up with the work he’d missed from being out so often. His coworkers were talking to him again, as they had been before, and the heavy filling in the air was lifting. 

That Friday they went over to Bokuto and Akaashi’s place to tell them in person their good news. 

They were greeted with a huge hug from Bokuto who was only marginally gentler with Tsukishima. Akaashi was more subdued. He smiled, but Tsukishima could see the wariness in his eyes. Was he worried Tsukishima would bolt again? Or was it something else?

“How have you been?” Bokuto demanded. “It’s been forever, man!”

“Tsukki was getting tired, and we decided a break was best until we got past twenty weeks.”

“Ohhh….because.”

“Yes, because.”

“How are you now, Tsukishima?” Akaashi asked as they all sat around the room. Kuroo, who usually sat on the floor, crowded next to him on the couch and put an arm around him. Protecting him from something. 

“Better. Relieved. Tired, but mostly better.”

“How did your appointment go?”

“Our  _ son  _ is doing well,” Kuroo said with a grin. 

Bokuto whooped, startling Keijirou who had been sitting in his lap. 

“Congratulations,” Akaashi said, in the same quiet way he had before. The first time. “Are you excited?”

“Of course,” he said. Why wouldn’t he be?

Kuroo frowned. “But this one kicks like a soccer player. I’m a little worried about that.”

Bokuto laughed. “Imagine the two of you producing a soccer kid? Nah, he’ll like volleyball. Right, little man?” He asked Keijirou who nodded. “

“Volleyball.” He slid off his lap and toddled to the corner of the room where his toys were and pulled out his small ball. “Daddy, toss!”

Akaashi sighed, one eyebrow raised. “Last time they nearly broke Bokuto’s PlayStation. I’m raising two children.”

“Mama! Set!” 

“Not now, Keijirou. Tomorrow at the park.” 

“Have you started thinking about names yet?” Bokuto asked, and then for the thousandth time told them about how they decided to combine their given names for Keijirou. Keiji from Akaashi and ‘rou from Bokuto. “Oh! Maybe he could be Tetsukei.”

“Uh, no,” Kuroo said, making a face. “We’ve got time to think of a name.”

Bokuto frowned and thought. “Hmm...too bad it wasn’t a girl. Could name her Hotaru, like Kei.”

A pang of loss jolted through his body and Kuroo held him tighter, one hand on his stomach. “Dude, what’s wrong with you?” the same time Akaashi said “Koutarou,” in the darkest voice he’d ever heard from the man. 

“What? I just meant...oh. Oh I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Tsukki!” Bokuto wailed. “I didn’t mean it like that!”

The mood was killed after that. Keijirou seemed to notice the change in atmosphere. He glanced around at everyone and then started to sniffle. He went over to Tsukishima and reached out and touched his belly. “Baby?” he asked.

Tsukishima nodded. “Yes, a baby.”

Keijirou looked up at him, then at Akaashi, and then for some inexplicable reason started to wail. 

Akaashi sighed and picked him up. “If you’ll excuse me.” 

Despite not having had dinner yet, like they usually did, they cut the night short. Bokuto was thoroughly chastised and Tsukishima was sure he’d hear it from Akaashi as soon as they left. 

On the ride home, Kuroo held his hand tightly. He took it after they parked and went inside. They had snacks for dinner since it was too late to cook anything, and then Kuroo decided he was going to pamper Tsukishima in every way possible. 

It was exhausting when Kuroo went into this hyper-aware Alpha mode. He was intense. His attention on Tsukishima stifling, but no matter what Tsukishima said, there was no getting out of it until it passed. 

So he sat there on the stool as Kuroo washed his hair and back. “Your hair is softer.”

“Is it? I hadn’t noticed.”

“I did.” He rinsed the water off of him and then helped him into the tub. Once he was settled, Kuroo washed himself but instead of cramming his body in, he stated seated on the stool and put his head on the edge of the tub. 

“I’m sorry about Bo.”

“Nothing you can do about his big mouth. I’m sure Akaashi will fix that.”

“Maybe we should just text everyone and let them know instead of trying to see them in person. It’s just...too much energy.”

“Why?”

“I just have to be careful of what people will say to you.”

“It’s sweet, but you don’t have to protect me.”

“You’re my family. You and the baby. Of course I have to protect you.”

“Is this some macho Alpha bullshit?”

Kuroo chuckled. “No, this is Kuroo bullshit.”

“Oh, good, because that’s easier to deal with.”

That night in bed, Kuroo plastered his body against Tsukishima’s back and wrapped an arm protectively around him and his stomach. He had placed himself closest to the door to “keep him safe.” From what? Who knew. But he insisted. 

They told Kenma and Yamaguchi before everyone else. Kuroo set a text to Kenma with a picture of the ultrasound. A few minutes later he received a response. 

“Cool. Congrats.” 

“Kenma’s excited for this.”

“I guess that is excited for Kenma. Let’s see what happens with Yamaguchi.”

“Ten bucks says he calls you crying.”

Tsukishima scowled. “I’m not betting against my best friend. Especially when the answer is that predictable.”

Sure enough, within a minute of Tsukishima sending the next, his phone rang. When he answered it, Yamaguchi was crying. “Tsukki! You didn’t tell me you were pregnant, I mean we guess you were trying but you are and it’s a boy!”

“If you’re going to have a breakdown on the phone, put on Yachi.” 

There was a shuffle and then Yachi was on the phone. “You’re on speaker,” she said. “Congratulations! We are very happy for you. How are you feeling?”

“Doing well. As expected at this point.”

“That’s great to hear. We’ll have to come visit soon! I want to go shopping.”

Tsukishima sighed. “What is it with everyone shopping?” 

“Shopping for babies is fun. There are so many cute outfits!”

“We’re going and you can’t stop us, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi said, apparently recovered. 

“I guess I can’t. See you soon, Tadashi.”

With that out of the way, they were free to tell everyone else. Kuroo still spoke to his teammates from high school and so most of them fairly often due to everyone’s line of work. And they had a group chat that would remain dormant for a long time until something amazing happened to someone and then there was a flurry of texts for days. The last time they’d had that flurry was when Kuroo texted them all to tell them they were pregnant. This time they could do better. 

“Come here,” Kuroo said, holding his phone at his side.

“Hmm?” Tsukishima stood next to him to see what was on his phone. Instead Kuroo dragged him close and planted one on his cheek as he snapped a selfie. Tsukishima was sure he looked startled. 

“You are not sending that in the chat.”

“Gotta get them stirred up,” he said as he sent the picture with no context. It took a few moments for the messages to start coming in. 

**Kenma: gross**

**Yamamoto: yeah we get it you’re in love and happy good for you no need to rub it in our faces**

**Lev: Say hi to Tsukki!**

**Inuoka: nice picture?**

**Yaku: did you send that with Tsukishima’s consent, or are you tormenting him?**

**Kai: or do you have something else to say…**

Kuroo let them stew on it awhile and Tsukishima could hear the phone pinging like crazy as they demanded he respond to them. 

“Okay, here we go. The best picture.” 

Kuroo grinned as he sent the ultrasound photo he had saved in his phone.

The texts stopped for several minutes when they turned into a flurry. 

**Kenma: I already knew, I’m turning my phone off**

**Inuoka: !!!!!**

**Kai: Congratulations, Kuroo.**

**Yaku: you mean to tell me you kept your mouth shut long enough to find out the sex of the baby? That’s a miracle for you.**

**Yamamoto: oh man that’s so cool I hope he looks like Tsukishima and not you lol**

**Lev: so how big is Tsukishima getting?**

**Yaku: Lev, I swear to god you’re not so famous I still can’t kick your ass. You can’t say stuff like that.**

**Lev: why not?**

**Kuroo: because some people like Tsukki are self-conscious of how they look. Plus it’s just rude.**

**Lev: I didn’t mean it in a bad way!**

**Fukunaga: It doesn’t matter. And congratulations.**

It was amusing seeing how close all of Nekoma still was, even after all this time, even with some of them scattered far and famous. And the dynamics had barely changed.

“Your turn,” Kuroo said, turning to him. “Send that cute picture of us.”

“No, I’ll just send the ultrasound.”

Before Kuroo could complain, he had it sent. No message, just the picture. 

He understood not everyone would respond right away, if they did at all. The Karasuno group text was far quieter than Nekoma’s. He knew the third years kept in contact, but the rest of them…well they didn’t talk as much. Honestly, aside from Yamaguchi, Tsukishima was closer to Nekoma and Fukurodani now. And that was okay. He had what was most important. 

“Are you going to text your team?”

“No. I’ll see them at practice and show them then, if they ask. I know Koganegawa is going to ask, though.”

“Don’t you want to show off our son?”

“I’m not as outgoing as you are, Tetsu.”

“I’m not that outgoing! I’m just a proud father to be! Aren’t you a proud mama?”

“I guess? He hasn’t done anything yet. Just kicking me. I’m happy, yes, but I don’t feel the need to wave it in everyone’s face. Also, you are outgoing.”

The texts started coming in after that, albeit slowly, and Kuroo read them over his shoulder as they cuddled on the couch. 

**Yamaguchi: I was already the first to say congratulations. Hitoka, too. She’s here with me, she says hi.**

**Tanaka R: what? You’re having a kid before me?!**

**Tanaka K: This is not a competition, Ryu. Congratulations, Tsukishima. We are happy for you.**

**Nishinoya: wow! I remember when you didn’t want kids! Remember that, Suga? When he was so embarrassed at that store? And now you’ve got two! We should have kids, Asahi!**

**Azumane: Yu…**

**Daichi: congratulations, Tsukishima! And Kuroo, too, since I’m sure he’s right next to you.**

**Sugawara: hmm, I wonder if I’ll be teaching him one day.**

“Hmm… I like that Nishinoya said we have two. Makes me feel like Hime isn’t forgotten.”

“She’ll never be forgotten by us,” Tsukishima said. 

“No, never, but… it just makes me happy when other people acknowledge her. She existed, even if it wasn’t for long.” Kuroo slid down and rested his head on Tsukishima’s lap, his face nuzzling into his stomach. “It’s probably hard for other parents in our situation but...I think I need it.”

“Me too.”

**Kageyama: That’s kind of weird that Tsukishima of all people is having a kid. But congratulations.**

**Sugawara: Kageyama! Don’t be rude!**

**Kageyama: I’m just saying. And he’s the first one. It’s just weird.**

**Hinata: Whhaaa! I was trying to sleep and then I kept getting these texts and bam! A picture of a baby! So cool Tsukishima and Kuroo-san!**

Kuroo cooed at his stomach, talking to the baby. He ran fingers through his perpetual disaster of a hair and thought maybe it wouldn’t be too bad if their son had that infuriating head of hair. 

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima runs into Sugawara who has his own surprise, and they finally talk names.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things. This chapter has not been proofread because it’s late and I want to get it up before I sleep. 
> 
> The mizuko kuyo is a real ceremony done in Japan for “water babies,” or children who are miscarried, aborted, or die very young. It’s hard to find in English how the ceremony is performed, but I found one article from a woman who had a mizuko kuyo, and so I modeled their after here. I cannot be certain if it’s accuracies. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Kuroo put together a list of Buddhist temples he liked and together they selected one that was the best. Kuroo was the one that contacted them about the ceremony, so Tsukishima did have to be directly involved in that part. 

But then there were preparations to make. They each were instructed to write a letter to Hime. They had to make or bring a red hat and bib. Prepare offerings of candy or flowers.

Tsukishima took it upon himself to learn how to sew a simple hat and bib out of red felt. It wasn’t the prettiest but he did his best. The hardest part was writing a small letter to Hime. It was just a note, really. All he managed to get on the paper before breaking into tears was “I wanted you so badly. I’ll miss you always.” Kuroo had written his letter in another room and he looked equally wrecked, his eyes rimmed with red.

That night they curled up on the bed, face to face. Tsukishima had curled around his stomach and wrapped around him, holding him and the baby close. 

The next morning was the ceremony. Neither of them had told anyone about it; they wanted it to be private, something just for them. 

It was a sunny day, though cool. They arrived at the temple in near silence with their offerings and found one of the Buddhist priests who brought them to the ceremony room. Tsukishima hadn’t thought he would cry, but by the end of the ceremony, after they’d both taken turns “feeding” the paper representation of their daughter, and the paper had been burned, the ashes were placed into the  _ jizo _ statue, and Tsukishima openly wept as he dressed it in the little clothes he’d made. The letters were tucked into the clothes, and they followed the priest out to put the statue in a garden surrounding a larger  _ jizo _ with the other children. Kuroo choked back tears, instead crying quietly as Hime was laid to rest. The priest offered his condolences and then left them. 

“That uh...that was harder than I thought,” Kuroo said, his voice rough. 

“Yeah…” Tsukishima said quietly. It had felt like the right thing to do for their  _ mizuko _ , their water baby, but he was exhausted. 

And he prayed he would never have to do that again.

Week twenty-four. Tsukishima scowled down at his shirt, well, Kuroo’s shirt, and the way the fabric pulled tight against his stomach. 

“Babe, I think you look cute.”

“I’m going to stretch this shirt. Nothing fits.”

“I guess this is time to go shopping! Why don’t you got out with Akaashi? Or maybe he has some clothes he can lend you.”

“Akaashi is shorter than me. There’s no way his clothes will fit.”

And that was how he found himself at The Enlightened Omega, a store he hadn’t visited since he was a teenager, after work one day that week. He stood outside, alone, and sighed. He could have asked Akaashi to come along with him, but...he had to do some of this alone, right?

Steeling himself he went inside. 

The scent was the same as before and when the woman rounded the corner he was surprised to see the same omega from the first visit. She was much older now, but still as kind. 

The clothing was still in the center of the store, with tables on the inside holding different pairs of pants. He sighed when he looked at them. He was too tall for all of these. What the hell was he supposed to do? Even the shirts were too short and would hardly cover his stomach. Was he just supposed to buy overly large shirts from regular stores? Wear sweatpants until he gave birth? 

“Tsukishima?”

Tsukishima jerked his head around and stared openly. 

“Sugawara.” He glanced down and noticed the slight bump through his clothes and his eyes widened.

Sugawara flushed and ran a hand through his hair. “Heh, funny running into you here right now.”

“Wow...I...had no idea.” 

“Daichi and I...we thought it would be best to wait after… God, I’m so sorry, Tsukishima. When Akaashi told us…”

“It’s ok.”

“How are you, really?”

Tsukishima sighed wearily. Would this conversation ever end? He closed his eyes and shrugged. “I’m happy we’re having a baby.” 

“Oh, of course. We were so surprised by your announcement.”

“You didn’t say anything.”

“I wasn’t going to steal your moment.”

“Have you told anyone?”

“Just our parents. No one else.”

“How far are you now?”

“Sixteen weeks. You?”

“Twenty-four.”

Sugawara smiled. “You look great.”

Tsukishima snorted. “I don’t fit in anything of the clothes I own and nothing here is made for tall omegas like me.”

“Come on. We’ll find something.”

Sugawara grabbed his hand and pulled him around the store. If it hadn’t been for him, Tsukishima would have left right away. But he was glad he hadn’t because Suga knew his way around the store and, sure enough, found what he was looking for. 

“Told you we’d find something.” 

It was just three shirts and one pair of pants, but it was enough for now. Sugawara had also selected some shirts and when Tsukishima had raised an eyebrow he shrugged. 

“When you work with little kids, they see things and make comments. Trying to head that off for a little longer.

“Did you find everything ok?” The woman asked, clearly not remembering him. But then who would after all those years?”

“Umm...not really,” he admitted honestly when Suga poked his back. “Most of the clothes here are too short.”

“Oh! Well it is rare for us to have someone as tall as yourself come into I’ll make sure to order some longer clothes for you. If you’ll just give me your number, I can call you when they get in.”

Tsukishima did that, actually grateful he’d have regular clothes again. But what he had was a start.

He and Sugawara left the store, Sugawara with his own bag in hand, and stood there awkwardly. Well, Tsukishima felt awkward, Sugawara was smiling happily. 

“So...when are you going to tell everyone?”

“We’ll wait a little longer. Maybe once we know the baby’s sex. You can tell Kuroo.”

“Thanks.” He would have kept it quiet if asked. “What are you hoping for?”

“Hmm...both have their merits. Honestly I don’t care. A little boy would be nice but so would a little girl. I guess we’ll see in a month.”

And in a month they did. Tsukishima had told Kuroo when he got home who was surprised at first but then laughed and said, “it’s about time.”

Tsukishima was 28 weeks, the start of his third trimester, when the text came in. He and Kuroo were sitting down to dinner, his plate heaped with more food than he could ever remember having in one meal in his entire life due to his ridiculously enormous appetite, when his phone started going crazy. 

“Ah, that must be Sugawara.”

“Check and see, the food isn’t going anywhere.” Kuroo laughed when Tsukishima shot him a glare and shoved another bite of food in his mouth and grabbed his phone.

There was an image of an ultrasound with text written across the top, “I’m a girl!”

“Oh, they’re having a little girl.” He swallowed the pang of jealousy and shifted the phone a bit so Kuroo could read the messages with him. A warm arm slipped around his shoulders and he was kissed on the temple.

**Sugawara: surprise!**

**Daichi: Guess baby Tsukishima is having a friend to play with!**

**Tanaka R: what is this?! Come on guys!**

**Tanaka K: Congratulations. That’s wonderful news.**

**Tsukishima: It’s baby Kuroo, but yes, he will have a friend. Congratulations. Even if we already knew.**

**Tanaka R: wait what? How did Tsukishima know but we didn’t?**

**Nishinoya: yeah, what gives? Oh, and congrats. Asahi says so too, he’s right here.**

**Tsukishima: right place, right time.**

**Hinata: Whaa! Another baby! Everyone is having kids!**

**Kageyama: Of course they are, idiot. We’re at that age. Do you ever think of anything outside of volleyball?**

**Hinata: no. Do you?**

**Ennoshita: enough you two. Congratulations, guys. That’s amazing.**

**Yamaguchi: This is Hitoka. I have Tadashi’s phone. He’s very happy and says congratulations. Me too!**

**Tsukishima: he’s crying again, isn’t he?**

**Yamaguchi: he told me not to say anything. So I’m not saying anything. But apparently he is really affected by babies.**

**Tanaka R: I swear if Yamaguchi has a kid before me…**

**Tanaka K: This is not a competition, Ryuu.**

**Tanaka R: c’mon, Kiyoko!**

**Tanaka K: later.**

**Nishinoya: oh, if it’s a competition Asahi and I are in!**

**Sugawara: We apologize to Kiyoko and Asahi for our news? We didn’t realize how...instigating it could be?**

**Tsukishima: can’t help idiots.**

Kuroo laughed and kissed him again. “Sounds like little Steggo-kun will have a lot of friends.”

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow. “Steggo-kun?”

“What? We called Hime Dino-chan. They can’t both have the same nickname. So Steggo-kun.” 

“Where did you even get that name?”

“It was one of the toys sent. Sounded cute to me.”

So it stuck. Their appointment with the doctor went well. Everything was looking good. The baby was growing bigger,  _ he  _ was growing bigger. His back ached and his feet hurt. He’d switched entirely to the omega clothes and it was a relief. It made him feel...well, not fat, but pregnant. When he was on the train or subway and needed to sit, he didn’t feel guilty anymore. 

And somehow women felt more comfortable striking up a conversation with him, even though the trains and subways were normally nearly silent.

One more he stared in horror at the mirror as he examined his stomach, which was something he did every day but would never tell Kuroo about. 

Stretch marks. He glared at the image in the mirror and then down at his stomach. He didn’t realize he’d let out a groan until Kuroo was standing in the doorway.

“What’s up?”

“I have stretch marks.”

“Oh? Cool.”

“Cool? Are you serious? They’re awful.”

“Nah, they’re cute. Isn’t that right, Steggo-kun?” He crouched down and framed his hands around Tsukishima’s stomach and kissed it. “Our little boy is growing big and strong, so of course stretch marks are good.”

Tsukishima slipped his fingers through Kuroo’s hair. “When you put it that way…” 

Tsukishima already knew he would be out this season of volleyball, but it hadn’t really hit him until he was sitting on the bench with the coach as his teammates practiced. The official season started in a month and he hadn’t been paying attention to how much time had passed. 

“We hope you’ll come to the games as long as you can, of course,” the coach said. Tsukishima frowned. If the season started in just a month, that put him at thirty-two weeks. If he made it to forty weeks, that put him out during the mid-season break. 

“I’m not due until the break. So I’m sure I’ll make it to all of the games.”

The coach nodded and then glanced at him. “Do you...plan on continuing next year?”

Did he? He stared back at the coach, indecision on his face. It...wasn’t something he’d thought of either. Of course in the beginning, when they were planning for Hime, he’d thought about the logistics. But then he’d just...forgotten. Could he continue to play if they had the baby around? He...loved volleyball. It was how he finally made friends, how he found his mate. Volleyball had given him  _ everything.  _

“I...don’t know,” he finally said. Coach clapped him on the back. 

“Well, no need to stress or make that decision now.”

So he didn’t. 

Week thirty-two. Two months to go. Kuroo was getting ridiculously protective every time they stepped out of their apartment. He held his hand everywhere which was sweet until Tsukishima realized he was using it to position his body just slightly in front of Tsukishima, and he carefully maneuvered them around any obstacle. He’d tried to prevent Tsukishima from going to the market the other day and Tsukishima’s temper flared. 

“You can’t keep me from going out, Tetsurou! I’m not the only pregnant omega to have ever existed!”

“Yeah, but you’re  _ my  _ pregnant omega!”

“Cut your possessive bullshit.”

“You stop being oblivious to your surroundings!”

“It was  _ one  _ time and someone bumped into me. We live in a city  _ of course someone is going to bump into me!” _

“It wouldn’t have happened if you were paying more attention to what was around you instead of a piece of  _ strawberry cake.” _

“You’re being a hard-headed asshole. See if I tell you anything again!”

And somehow, after a few more minutes of arguing with their voices getting louder and them getting close enough for Tsukishima to jab Kuroo in his chest, he lay on his back staring up at the ceiling completely blissed out after an intense orgasm. 

“How the hell did we end up here?” he asked. 

“Mmm,” was all Kuroo said from where he was curled up against his side, one hand resting on his stomach. 

“We need to think of names,” Tsukishima said. They had two months left and they’d barely talked about it. “Bokuto and Akaashi already had their name before Keijirou was born.”

“Yeah, because Bokuto insisted it had to be both of their names together. He’s an idiot.”

“Doesn’t mean we can ignore this. I’m not going to be in the hospital trying to push out a kid while we think of names.”

“Fine, Ichigo.” 

“You’re joking, right?”

“Why not? It’s your favorite fruit.”

“I’m not naming our son after a  _ fruit  _ because I happen to like it.”

“Sanma, then.”

“And we are most definitely not naming our son after a fish. Are you hungry or something?”

“No, I’m being serious. How would you like that, little Sanma. Oh! We should have called him Sanma-kun instead of Steggo-kun.. Maybe with the next baby.”

“Who said anything about a next?”

“Fine. What about… Kai?”

“No. Too close to my name. Eiji?”

“Hm...what characters though? It could mean second one.”

“You’re right. I mean...it’s true but...not a good fit.”

“Koji?”

Tsukishima laughed. “Little one? Can you imagine? Our son is going to be at least your height.”

“Kaito?”

Tsukishima thought about it. It sounded nice and had a good meaning. “Maybe.”

Kuroo tried it out. “Are you in there, little Kaito?” He crooned to his stomach, rubbing it gently. There was no response, no flutter or kick. “Don’t you want to be Kuroo Kaito?”

“Maybe it’s your name that’s the problem. What about Tsukishima Kaito?”

Still nothing from the usually active baby. 

“Maybe he’s sleeping.”

“Naoyuki,” Tsukishima said suddenly. “What about Naoyuki?” 

“I mean it would depend on the characters for it. Kuroo Naoyuki.”

The baby kicked so hard Tsukishima winced and Kuroo let out a yelp and then a laugh. “I think we found a winner.”

Tsukishima smiled. “Naoyuki it is, then.”

“He picked his own name. That’s cute. We’ll have to tell him when he’s older and he asks what he might have been named.”

“I’m telling him you wanted to name him after your favorite meal.”

“And turn our son against me? Rude.” 

“Ruder to name him after something you like to eat.”

“So Kei is definitely out for the future, go it.”

Tsukishima felt the blush heat his face from the tips of his ears to his neck. “Tetsurou!”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome, Naoyuki!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not proofread yet. And no this isn’t the end of the story. I’m trying to be accurate to Japanese customs but I’m adding in American birth practices too. Consider it artistic license.

Week thirty-six. Tsukishima hurt. His whole body just ached and he felt huge. He didn’t want to work, he didn’t want to do anything. He went to the games for his team and watched, cheering them on, but didn’t sit on the bench with them. But still. He joined them in the locker room before and after each game. 

“You must be ready to have that kid, huh?” Koganegawa said as he toweled off his hair. 

“If he came tomorrow I’d be fine with that. 

“I hope you make Kuroo do everything for you.” Kyotani said.

“Oh, I do. He loves having something to do. He’s especially fond of rubbing my back.”

“Among other things, I take it.” Koganegawa smirked and Kyotani threw a towel at him. 

“Think you’ll make it to the break?”

“I hope so, but at the same time I do want him out.”

Kuroo  _ was  _ attentive at home. The closer the time got the more he...fluttered around the apartment. He kept adjusting things in the baby’s room while Tsukishima sat in the incredibly comfortable on his back chair. 

“Tetsu, it’s fine.”

“It needs to be just right.”

“He’ll be sleeping with us for awhile anyway, and you already put the cradle on my side of the bed.”

“I just...I feel like something is wrong. Not quite right yet.”

“Yes. We’re missing a baby in the room. Look, why don’t we go shopping. That always makes you feel better.”

And it did. If he were honest with himself, he enjoyed it, too. 

More gifts had come from friends and family. A lot of cute little onesies with all manner of designs, bottles, diapers. Anything they could need, really, but even looking at the little clothes calmed Kuroo down. So they went, and Kuroo couldn’t help himself when he saw a Sendai Frogs outfit.

“When did these come out?” he demanded. 

“I have no idea. They don’t exactly tell us what merch is out.”

“This is perfect.”

And it kind of was. 

Of course over the next few days quite a few friends must have had the same idea because they got outfits from birth through three and Tsukishima couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Maybe he should have been Gama-kun.”

“Next one.”

“You keep saying this but I only ever agreed to one.” He frowned. Well...two…

The next evening they went to visit Bokuto and Akaashi. Keijirou was intensely interested in Tsukishima’s stomach and hovered around him. Whenever he sat down, the toddler climbed up on the couch with him and rested his head on his belly. He stopped minding a few weeks ago. 

“Baby come?”

“Soon.”

“Play with baby?”

“Not right away, Keijirou. We went over this,” Akaashi said, moving to get him away from Tsukishima.

“He can stay, I don’t mind,” Tsukishima said, gently petting his hair. Keijirou snuggled into his side and Akaashi frowned. 

Bokuto laughed from where he and Kuroo sat on the floor playing a video game. 

“Watch out, Tsukki. Akaashi gets  _ very  _ possessive over Keijirou.”

“I do not.”

“You nearly ripped him out of my mother’s arms.”

“She wasn’t being careful.”

Bokuto shook his head and said something quietly to Kuroo, something along the lines of “good luck holding your own son.”

“Do you have your overnight bag packed?”

“My what?”

“Your bag. For your hospital stay.”

Tsukishima glanced at Kuroo. “I guess I would need something like that.”

“Better get it done as soon as possible. In case he decides to come early.”

“Naoyuki.”

Kuroo groaned. “Kei…”

“What?” Akaashi asked. 

“Oh, I forgot. We weren’t going to tell anyone until after.”

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear anything?”

“What what?” Bokuto asked, having been deeply into his game.

“Nothing,” all three said. 

“Anyway, pack clothes that are as comfortable as you can make them. And are you going to feed him yourself?”

“Ah...I hadn’t decided yet.” He flushed. In the last few weeks the milk had started to come in, and while it was nowhere near what a woman would get, and nowhere near enough to feed a baby without supplements, it was still...weird.

Kuroo had been fascinated. While Tsukishima saw the growth,  _ felt _ the growth, Kuroo hadn’t been listening to him complain, apparently. Because one morning after lazy sex he stared down at Tsukishima and suddenly put his hands on his chest, squeezing. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Tsukishima demanded, knocking his hands away. They were sensitive and sore. 

“You got boobs.”

“I did not.”

“You kinda do. They’re super tiny though, and cute.”

“They look like I got more defined muscles.”

Kuroo barked out a laugh. “Sweetheart, they most definitely do not.” He leaned down, bending over his stomach and kissed each one. “But like I said, they’re cute.”

Tsukishima scowled and covered his chest. It was just something he was going to have to get used to. 

That night, after they got back from visiting Bokuto and Akaashi, Tsukishima packed his bag and left it by the door. He checked his book and packed a pair of comfortable sweatpants and the softest shirt he could find. Kuroo threw in a change of clothes as well because, as he said, “there is no way in hell I’m leaving you in the hospital alone for any period of time.” And honestly, Tsukishima was glad for that. 

The following day Tsukishima went to a game with his team and watched from his special place. He honestly missed being out there on the floor. Could he give that up after Naoyuki was born?

He didn’t want to. If he had to, he would, but he hoped they would be able to work it out. 

After the game he joined them in the locker room but this time they had a surprise for him. The coach handed him a bag in a baby blue color and he stared at his teammates. Koganegawa was bouncing on his toes as if he wasn’t exhausted from the match. 

“What’s this?”

“A gift from the team. Since you could go at any time.”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes but opened it anyway. He stared down at the same Sendai Frogs uniform and was about to say thanks when he caught something different. All the other outfits had the number zero. When he lifted this one out, it had his number. Seventeen. 

He couldn’t help if his eyes maybe watered a bit. It was hormones. “We had it customized for your little player,” the coach said. “I’m sure you’ve seen the others. Maybe this will entice you to keep playing.”

Tsukishima nodded. 

“Hey! Naoyuki can be our mascot!” Koganegawa said. 

“No. But thank you,” Tsukishima said. He smiled. “You better make it to the end. So he can see you play.”

The rest of the team stared openly at him and Kyotani flushed. 

Week forty. He was officially out of work, and the mid-season break started. He’d made his promise and was able to see them through to that point. 

No he stared up at the ceiling, glaring. His entire body felt heavy. He had trouble eating. His hips hurt. His stomach had seemed to drop and the doctor said it was totally normal as Naoyuki got into position to be born. 

“You could come any time now, Nao-kun. Mama hurts pretty bad,” he said quietly. Kicks or punches were landing their marks and he tried to soothe him with little rubs. When the kick was especially hard, he could see his stomach move with it. 

It was bizarre. 

“How are you doing?” Kuroo asked as he came home and found him in the bedroom. 

“Ready to have this kid. I’m ready to evict him.”

Kuroo chuckled and joined him on the bed. He ran his hands over his stomach. “The doctor said it could be any day now.”

“Now would be good.”

“I don’t think you’re that lucky that he’ll pop out in command.”

Tsukishima whined. “You carry the next one.”

“The next one?” Kuroo said. “Moonshine, if I could, I would. You know that.”

Tsukishima sighed. He just wanted to be able to move without a waddle. 

The next week was Christmas. It would be nice to have the baby before then so they could spend the holiday at home with their little one. Tsukishima had already done his shopping for everyone, and even though they didn’t decorate for the holiday, the seasonal spirit was still there. 

But Naoyuki refuses to come out. He visited his doctor who checked him over. “Everything is fine. You’re progressing as you should with regards to going into labor. He’s in position and ready. He’s just warm and snuggly in there. I think he knows it’s getting cold outside. There is a little snow,” he chuckled. 

“What if he doesn’t come soon?”

“If he doesn’t come on his own by Christmas, we will induce you the day after. Don’t worry. You’ll meet your little one soon. Take some short walks with your mate. It could help things move along.”

So they waited. They took turns talking to him, went for walks outside all bundled up, and deflected phone calls. 

Both of their phones were blowing up with their friends placing bets in everything from due date to time, weight, and length. 

**Daichi: Suga and I think he’ll have to be induced because he’s gone for so long now. Put us down for 1,000 Kiyoko.**

**Tanaka K: what time?**

**Daichi: Suga said the evening of the 26th.**

**Tsukishima: Kiyoko-senpai, really?**

**Tanaka K: this is traditional. I have you down for Christmas Eve between five and nine pm. I’m counting on you.**

“I can’t believe they’re doing this.”

Kuroo stole his phone.

**Tsukishima: this is Kuroo. Can we get in on this?**

**Tanaka K: no.**

**Yamaguchi: Sorry, Tsukki. Can you put me down for Christmas morning between 3 and 7 am? Hitoka wants Christmas afternoon between noon and four.**

**Ennoshita: 23rd from eight to midnight.**

**Nishinoya: Asahi and I have discussed this at length and we are going with 11pm to 3am transition from Christmas Eve to Christmas Day.**

**Tanaka R: I’m just going with what Kiyoko says.**

**Hinata: Kageyama and I are in! We talked about it and we say the 27th in the early morning. Like midnight and four hours.**

**Tanaka R: wait, you and Kageyama say that? Aren’t you in Brazil right now?**

**Hinata: umm… I might have come back for awhile…**

**Narita: you can discuss that later put me down for the 26th from midnight to four.**

**Kinoshita: 23rd from four to eight.**

**Tsukishima: you’re all terrible.**

And it wasn’t much better on Nekoma’s side. The times were nearly the same. And when Akaashi was asked, he took one look at Tsukishima and all he said was, “you won’t need to be induced.”

And he didn’t. 

Tsukishima woke up Christmas Eve morning tired and sore everywhere. When he waddled to the bathroom he was barely able to finish his business when a sharp pain rolled through his body. He sucked in a breath and winced, rubbing his stomach. 

“Easy, Nao.”

When it happened a few minutes later his head jerked up to stare at mirror. “Tetsu.”

“What is it?”

“I think we need to go to the hospital.” Another contraction and he was gasping. “Yup. Definitely time to go.”

He heard Kuroo stumble from the bedroom and slide around the door frame, hair looking wilder than usual. “Ok, okay. So I’ll call the doctor and get dressed and you get dressed and we’ll go.”

“Calm down. You can’t drive if you're panicking.”

“I’m not panicking! I’m just really nervous.”

“And I’m not? Get moving.”

How they made it out the door without Kuroo breaking something, he’d never know. But in the time it took Tsukishima to get dressed, he had called the doctor and gotten himself ready. 

Snow was falling steadily outside and not many cars were on the road just yet. At Tsukishima’s warning Kuroo did not break land speed records and they made it in one piece. Their doctor was there waiting for them with a smile on his face. “Well, here we are. Ready to do this?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” 

He was offered a wheelchair by a nurse and he glared at her. He could walk on his own, thank you very much. 

She insisted on walking with them, just in case. And maybe Tsukishima decided to just sit while they were on the elevator because a particularly strong contraction hit and since it was there he might as well use it. When he turned back to glare at her, she smiled and stared straight ahead, the corners of her mouth twitching. 

A room had been made ready for them, and he was wheeled in. Kuroo helped him get undressed and into the annoyingly scratchy hospital gown. His doctor and the nurses who joined him checked on his progress and made notes on charts. 

“Settle in, boys. It’ll be a while yet.”

“What? But the contractions…”

“Have just started but little boy isn’t ready to come just yet.”

Tsukishima groaned. “When?”

“Best estimate? This evening.”

“Did we come in too early?”

“No. Your contractions were the right timing apart. But the rest of your body needs to catch up. Remember, labor is just that. It’s a process. So get comfortable, or at least as much as you can. Make your phone calls. The nurses will check on you and I’ll pop in now and then. Use the call button if you need anything. I recommend getting something to eat. You’ll need the energy.”

The nurse popped in and asked if they wanted anything to eat. Neither of them had eaten breakfast, so they ordered in. Omurice was on the menu that morning and despite the contractions, Tsukishima ate it all. 

Kuroo called both sets of parents and his left Tokyo right away with enough bags for a good stay. They would stay with Tsukishima’s parents until they went home. Kuroo also called Bokuto and Akaashi who wished them the best of luck. 

As the day progressed and Tsukishima grew more frustrated, the doctor came in and asked if he wanted pain relief. Apparently it wasn’t a standard offering for women, but being an omega, he was usually offered. He took it gladly. 

The relief made it bearable, so he closed his eyes to rest. Kuroo sat next to him the whole time, playing with his hair. It was almost enough to make him fall asleep except for the occasional pressure and beeping of the machines. 

A familiar scent had him waking from his gentle doze and he smiled at the woman by his bed. “Rei-san.”

“Congratulations, Tsukishima-san. I’m very happy for you. Would you like my assistance today?”

“I thought you worked with...difficult cases.”

“Normally, yes. But if my previous parents come back, I like to be there to support them.” 

“Then yes, please.”

“Happy to. Kuroo-san and I will be sure to remain out of the doctor’s way.” The gentle scent of carnations surrounded him and he breathed them in to relax. 

A few minutes later the doctor came in to check the progress and smiled. “Good news. Baby boy is ready to come out now. Are you ready?”

“Yes.” 

“Good. I’ll get the nurses and we’ll get this started.”

When it came to the delivery, there was so much happening that after the fact, he didn’t remember much. He remembered pain despite the epidural. He remember Kuroo holding his hand while he squeezed, and Rei cooling his face with a wet cloth. 

And then came the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard. The disgruntled wail of a baby who wanted to be back where he had been. 

He wept at the sound and Kuroo sobbed openly, burying his face against his neck. 

A nurse placed the baby on his bare chest and he stared at the wailing infant who had a head of black hair and was pink and covered in, well, whatever babies came out covered in. He raised his hands and settled them on his son. 

He wanted to say something smart. Clever. Maybe a little profound. But all he said was, “There you are, Naoyuki. Nice to finally meet you.”

Naoyuki turned towards the sound of his voice and peeked open golden brown eyes. 

Before he could say anything else, a nurse came to complete a test. She called out a number and then discussed it with the doctor. Five minutes later she was back, calling out the same number, and whisked him away without a word. Tsukishima let out a cry of distress. Kuroo lunged at the nurse and an orderly, a male, caught him. 

“Calm down. They’re just taking the baby to clean him up. He’ll be back in a second.”

Rei smiled. “They always bring him in when there’s an omega birth. The fathers tend to get snappy when we’re just trying to do our job.”

While the doctor finished with him and replaced the bottom of the bed, the nurse finished cleaning, measuring and weighing Naoyuki. His wails of protest didn’t stop until he was back in Tsukishima’s arms. 

“Did you have a name picked out? So we can put it on his bassinet?”

“Naoyuki. Kuroo Naoyuki.”

The nurse wrote it in a label after verifying the characters and put it into the sleeve.

“Congratulations,” the doctor said smiling. “Naoyuki looks very healthy. He’s six pounds five ounces and nineteen inches. Exact time of birth 8:15 pm on Christmas Eve. What a good gift! They’ll come in awhile to take him for tests, but for now get to know him a little better.”

With another round of congratulations the doctor and all of the nurses expect for Rei left. Tsukishima passed Naoyuki to Kuroo so he could greet him, and he cradled him as if he were made of glass. 

“He’s beautiful.”

“He has your hair. God help us.”

Rei chuckled. “He’s going to want to eat soon. Were you going to try feeding him? Even if it’s just this once, what you’ve produced now will give him a good boost.”

“I’ll...ok. I’ll do it. At least this once.”

Rei smiled and Kuroo passed him back. “Just hold him up naturally to your chest. He’ll start rooting around and will probably latch on with ease. I’m going to leave, but I’ll come back when they’re ready to move you to a new room.”

When she left, they were alone for the first time with their son. Everything they’d worked for, the pain of the last two years, had brought them to this point. 

“He’s gorgeous, Kei.”

“Well, he is your son.”

“I meant your son.” He leaned down and kissed him gently. Both of them stared at Naoyuki as he made some soft noises, almost like little grunts. When his mouth started moving, Tsukishima took a deep breath and moved him closer to his chest. He latched on easily and began to suck.

“Does it hurt?”

“No. Just feels...weird. I don’t think I’m going to be able to do this as long as Akaashi did.”

“Doesn’t matter. It’s not a competition.”

“Speaking of competitions,” Tsukishima said, “who won?” 

“Yaku and the Tanakas.”

“Guess we should let everyone know.”

Kuroo turned the camera around to take a selfie. Tsukishima didn’t want to disturb Naoyuki’s feeding, but neither did he want everyone to see this rather intimate moment. So he gently shifted Nao who opened his eyes and peered up at him. Tsukishima smiled down at him and he heard the click of the phone.

Naoyuki let out a yawn and closed his eyes. 

“Let’s see, photo with the time and his stares. To the Nekoma and Karasuno groups.”

“Don’t forget we need to call our parents and Bokuto and Akaashi.”

“Of course. I’ll call them first. I got this. You take care of little Nao-kun.”

And so he did, gazing with absolute wonder at the baby he had spent nine months carrying around. It was...surreal.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family visits Naoyuki at the hospital and Tsukishima begins to have doubts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourselves. Tsukishima is going to be going through a rough patch of postpartum depression. Don’t worry, Naoyuki is fine. 
> 
> I read up on Japanese hospital stays for new moms and it seems great. This may or may not be accurate. 
> 
> Also, for those interested, I have a new sequel with KageHina coming up. A companion piece to Nightmare. 
> 
> And this week I am working on When I See You.

Kuroo let their parents know Naoyuki had been born and requested they give them the day to recover. After feeding Nao and handing him off to the nurse for her to take him for his shots, the day crashed down on him. 

He was encouraged by Rei to get up and take a shower in the en-suite bathroom. Kuroo, thankfully, helped him. His legs felt like jello and he was sure he would fall over at any minute. He dressed in the clothes he’d brought and then allowed himself to be wheeled into their new room. 

Dinner was brought for the two of them and as they sat down to eat, Nao was brought back. Tsukishima was hungry but at the same time didn’t want to let Nao out of his sight again. Rei pushed the wheeling cradle next to him so he could eat and watch Nao sleeping peacefully. 

“Enjoy, boys,” she said and waved goodbye one last time. 

“Concentrate on eating,” Kuroo said, “or I’ll feed you myself.”

“Gotta make sure he’s ok.”

“He’s not going anywhere. You’ve read the books, you know what to do. Just relax, Moonshine. You did enough today.”

So he ate and drank the green tea. They had three more days in the hospital for him to rest and recover and then he would return home. 

As they ate, their phones were going crazy with messages from both teams. 

**Sugawara: Congratulations! He’s so cute!**

**Tanaka R: ha! We won the bet.**

**Tanaka K: he means to say congratulations. But also thank you for your timing.**

**Nishinoya: Asahi, he’s so cute. Let’s have one!**

**Asahi: Yuu…**

**Yamaguchi: he’s precious! He has Kuroo’s hair, though. That’s going to be fun.**

**Tsukishima: did you cry?**

**Yachi: yes, he did.**

**Yamaguchi: Hitoka-chan!**

**Hinata: Wah! So cute! Who knew Tsukishima could have such a cute kid?**

**Kageyama: he is kinda cute I guess.**

**Nishinoya: our kid will be even cuter. Right Asahi?**

**Ennoshita: guys, I don’t think this is a competition. In fact I’m sure it’s not.**

**Tanaka R: Kiyoko and I will have the cutest kids. Just watch.**

“What are they saying over there?” Kuroo asked. 

“Fighting over who is going to have a cuter kid. I’m pretty sure Asahi just expired. 

“Not much of that here but some congratulations. Here, read through.”

He took the phone and saw well wishes from everyone on Nekoma. 

**Kenma: he’s cute. Congrats.**

**Yaku: congratulations, but oh god that kid is going to have Kuroo’s hair. Good luck, Tsukishima.**

**Kai: congratulations, he’s cute.**

**Lev: yeah congrats, but who won the bet?**

**Yaku: I did.**

**Yamamoto. How is Tsukishima doing?? That’s crazy…**

**Kuroo: he’s doing well. Tired, though.**

**Lev: when can we see the baby?**

**Kuroo: not for awhile.**

**Lev: why not?!**

**Yaku: because babies are fragile and get sick easily, plus they’re new parents and they’re going to be exhausted. Also, you’ll probably scare the baby.**

**Lev: hey! I would not…**

**Fukunaga: I wonder who will have a kid next…**

**Kenma: not me.**

**Yaku: are you trying to say something?**

**Fukunaga: no. But maybe you have something to say?**

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow. “Is there something I missed?”

“What Fukunaga said? Oh, Lev and Yaku have had a thing since high school. Yaku doesn’t want to admit it, but he shared his heat with him after he graduated.”

“You didn’t tell me.”

“Yaku threatened me with death if I told anyone. Frankly I’m surprised Lev kept it quiet. But then I think he’s worried if he talks about it, Yaku won’t give him another chance.”

“Huh.” 

“Yeah. I mean it was pretty obvious the way Lev kept going back to Yaku even after all the shit he put him through that it was more than just a little puppy Alpha sniffing after an omega.” 

“If it was after Yaku was at university how did they..?”

“That I do not know. He never told me.”

That first night was...an experience. He had been sleeping after settling Nao down in his cradle. Kuroo had passed out on the pullout chair. He didn’t know how long he was asleep before he heard a cry. 

“Turn off the alarm,” Kuroo groaned and tried to roll over in the too small chair.

“Too tired,” Tsukishima said. He wished it would just turn itself off. The alarm got louder and his eyes snapped awake, realizing it was not an alarm but the baby. 

“Tetsu, it’s Nao.”

“So feed him,” he mumbled.

Tsukishima shot a glare at him as he reached for Naoyuki and lifted him from the cradle. The swaddle had come loose in his flailing so he wrapped him tighter and then held him close so he could nurse. 

He passed out with him in his arms. 

Some indeterminate time later, a click woke him up. Startled, he blinked, his vision blurred until Kuroo put his glasses on his face.

“You fell asleep feeding Nao.”

Tsukishima looked down in horror but was relieved to see Nao sleeping peacefully in his arms.

“What if I had dropped him?”

“You’re in bed, not walking. Why don’t I take him and you take a shower. Then we’ll get breakfast. Ready to see our parents today?”

“I’m…tired. And they’re going to be tiring.”

“So we’ll limit how long they stay. I’ll be  _ that  _ Alpha if I have to.”

Tsukishima passed Nao to him and took his advice. He was able to take a shower on his own today, and he felt much stronger. The hot water felt good on his sore body. 

When he was finished, the food had already arrived and Kuroo was rocking Nao in the chair, cooing at him. He reached for his phone while Kuroo was distracted and snapped a picture. And immediately made it his Home Screen. 

“Is he hungry?”

“Nah, we’re just hanging out. You eat and then I’ll give him to you and we’ll deal with the day.”

Tsukishima loved how they were working as a team. It made him feel like maybe this wouldn’t be as hard as he expected.

Breakfast was delicious. A hearty meal with rice, fish, miso soup, and green tea. When he was finished, Nao was getting fussy, so he took him from Kuroo and fed him while Kuroo ate. 

Kuroo ate but stared at the same time. 

“What?” Tsukishima said, scowling. 

“It’s just… kind of amazing, that’s all.”

“You staring makes me feel weird.”

“Hai, hai. Should I let our parents know they can head over?”

“Why not.”

Tsukishima took a nap while they waited for chaos to descend on them. Nao joined him for it. 

Their parents were there in an hour and thankfully entered the room quietly. The excitement was palpable in the air as both grandmas came into the room. 

“He’s sleeping,” Kuroo said quietly. Tsukishima yawned and smiled at his mother. She came over and hugged him. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Tired, sore.”

“You’ll feel that way for awhile,” she said, brushing his hair back. She glanced in the cradle and sighed softly. “He’s beautiful.”

Kuroo’s mother came over and cooed softly. “What a precious little boy. Oh my, Tetsurou’s hair.”

“Yes, several people have commented on it.”

Kuroo grinned and shook hands with their fathers.

“Congratulations, son,” his dad said. “How does it feel to be a father?”

“Uh...a little surreal right now.” 

“It will be for awhile. Until you get into a routine.”

“Wait until you get home. You won’t know what’s up and down,” Tsukishima’s dad said. 

“Right now I’m enjoying the hospital,” Tsukishima said as Naoyuki started to wake. 

“I’ll get him,” his mother said, reaching out to pick up the fussy baby. 

“Umm… can you sanitize your hands first, please?” he asked, reaching out to block her. Their parents laughed as the sanitizer was passed around. 

They each took a turn holding him, and he gazed at them solemnly. 

“Honestly never thought I’d be a grandmother,” Kuroo’s mother said and Tsukishima felt the pang of loss. He stared at Naoyuki. Did they not count Hime as their granddaughter? Did she suddenly not matter because Naoyuki was there? 

He closed his eyes as his son was passed around. He could feel Kuroo’s increasing worry as the visit put a strain on him.

“Okay, I think that’s enough of a visit for today. Nao needs to eat,” Kuroo said. 

“Oh, Kei can feed him, we don’t mind.”

“Kei is tired. They both need their rest.”

Tsukishima’s father chuckled. “Look at you, acting like a territorial Alpha.

Tsukishima heard the low growl of warning. 

“Calm down, son, he’s just teasing you.”

“You need to leave,” he snapped. 

Tsukishima opened his eyes as Kuroo took Naoyuki back from his father and handed him over. He held him close and stared at both sets of parents. Kuroo stepped closer to the bed 

“Did we...do something wrong?” Kuroo’s mother asked. “If we did we certainly didn’t mean to.”

“Kei needs rest,” Kuroo said firmly. “We will let you know when you can visit again.”

The visit was cut short, but Tsukishima didn’t care. He held Nao close as he fed him, but his mind couldn’t help wandering to thoughts of Hime. Of cuddling her close like this, feeding her. 

“You okay?” Kuroo asked from his side. “I didn’t mean to get so...upset at our parents. I just felt your strain.”

He smiled weakly. “Sure. Just tired.”

After four days he was released from the hospital and they took Naoyuki home for the first time. 

Kuroo had never driven more safely in his life, and Tsukishima was constantly looking in the back at the car seat. They made it home and he released the breath he’d been holding. 

When they got inside they were surprised to see the apartment sparkling clean with flowers and cards piled up on the table. 

“Ah, must have been Akaashi. Should have known,” Kuroo said with a laugh. He put the carrier down and stepped into their apartment with a stretch and a yawn. “It’ll be nice to sleep in our own bed.”

“You’re just going to leave Nao there?”

“What? He’s sleeping. Let him sleep in the carrier. He’s safe there and comfortable.”

Tsukishima scowled and carried it further into the apartment so he could see him everywhere he went. 

“Kei, relax. He’s not going anywhere. He  _ literally  _ cannot go anywhere.”

“We have to watch him.”

“You don’t need to stare at him all day.”

“Are you suddenly not taking this seriously?”

Kuroo held his hands up, eyes wide. “Babe, what’s wrong? This isn’t like you.”

Tsukishima paused to take a breath and ran his hands through his hair. “No, I’m sorry. I’m just...feeling agitated.”

“Hormones.”

Tsukishima gave a noncommittal grunt. Yeah, hormones. That was it. Right? 

“Go take a bath. I’ll watch over Nao.”

The bath was relaxing. So much so that he fell asleep. He woke up to Kuroo gently shaking him awake.

“I hate to wake you, Moonshine, but Nao needs to eat. I gave him a bottle with the supplemental formulae, but he’s fussing.”

Tsukishima sighed but got out of the bath anyway and went to tend to Naoyuki. It seemed he was content just hanging on to him. He hoped he’d be okay going without soon, because he wasn’t sure how much longer he would produce. 

At the end of their first week home, Bokuto and Akaashi came to visit. 

Akaashi sat next to Tsukishima on the sofa and carefully held Naoyuki, peering down at him with a small smile on his face. 

“He’s sweet,” Akaashi said as the baby slept. “Keijirou was very angry we were visiting without him. He’s only been able to talk about the baby.”

“So, what’s it feel like to be a dad?” Bokuto asked Kuroo, his own chest puffing up. “Isn’t it amazing?”

“It’s more work than I thought. How were you not perpetually exhausted?”

“He was,” Akaashi said. “But he tried to hide it. It will get easier.”

“Nao isn’t that fussy at night. Just when he’s hungry. He will only let Tetsurou feed him for a little before he complains.” 

“Can I hold him?” Bokuto asked, his eyes wide. 

Kuroo stared at him, eyes narrowed. “How trustworthy are you?”

“Seriously, bro? I have a kid of my own.”

“He’s fine, Kuroo-san.”

With Tsukishima’s permission and supervision, Naoyuki was passed over. 

“He’s tiny. Smaller than Keijirou was.”

Tsukishima watched, lost in his own world of worries as Kuroo and Bokuto bickered over who was the better father, and whose son looked more like their father. It must be nice, being able to banter like that. How easily they could compare themselves. If he were to compare himself to Akaashi it would just be a colossal failure. Akaashi was calm and serene, he was sharp and bitter. Akaashi handled everything with grace, and Tsukishima tried not to drown. Akaashi had carried his first pregnancy to full term, and he had lost his daughter. Akaashi was a natural with Keijirou, and he...he felt like the worst omega ever. Tall, awkward, sarcastic. At times confident he was doing the right thing for Naoyuki and at other times fearing he was messing it all up somehow. 

It had been only a week but he wondered if he’d even done the right thing by suggesting they have kids. What if he fucked up now? 

Bokuto made a face that Tsukishima knew well from when Keijirou was a baby. “I’ll take him,” he said and Bokuto passed him over. Naoyuki let out a small wail of discomfort. 

He hadn't expected to be followed and nearly jumped out of his skin when Akaashi appeared next to him as soon as he settled Nao on the changing table. Tsukishima silently pulled out a diaper and wipes before he unbuttoned his onesie, waiting for Akaashi to make some observation. 

Was he watching to see if he was doing it right? He could change a fucking diaper by himself.

“What’s wrong, Tsukishima? You’re not yourself.”

“Of course I’m not myself. I just had a baby.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Tsukishima took a deep breath and waited to respond until after he’d finished changing Nao and threw away the dirty diaper. “I’m just tired.”

“I don’t think it’s just that.”

“Why? We can’t all be perfect like you,” he snapped and then bit his lip. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud. “Sorry, I just…”

“It’s okay. And believe me, I’m not perfect. After Keijirou was born...I was a mess. I thought maybe I’d made a mistake. It was hard, but I got through it. You can, too. And I’m always here to talk, if you need. You don’t have to do this alone. Omegas support each other, right?”

“Right,” he said quietly. 

Akaashi patted his shoulder and left the room. Naoyuki stared up at him, his lips twitching at the corners as if he was trying to smile.

“Are you gonna laugh at mama, too?” He closed his eyes tightly to prevent any tears from leaking out. 

  
  



	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima struggles but regains some of his identity when he visits his teammates. Keijirou and Naoyuki meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is going to be a rough one, but I promise it’s the last one. After that, it’s smooth sailing for the boys.

Tsukishima struggled the next week. Naoyuki was fussier at night and he was constantly getting up to feed him or change him. One particularly bad night when he just wouldn’t settle down, he burst into tears. 

Kuroo woke from a dead sleep, startled. “Wha? What happened?”

“He won’t stop crying, and I don’t know what’s wrong with him!”

“Give him to me, I’ll get him to sleep. You rest.”

Tsukishima was exhausted. And as soon as he hanged Naoyuki over, he quieted down. Kuroo shrugged and carried him into the other room, his hair standing on end and sleep in his eyes. 

He was sure he looked worse. But he took the moment of peace and as soon as his head hit the pillow, he fell asleep. 

It wasn’t restful, though. Far from it. He was plagued with nightmares of being unable to settle Naoyuki for bed, of him refusing to eat and social services getting involved to take him away. Then Kuroo would leave him, despite their mating bond, so that he could be with Naoyuki. And who wouldn’t prefer their own mate over a defective partner. 

He woke with a start and gasped.

“Shh…Nao is sleeping,” Kuroo said, pulling him closer and smoothing a hand over his back. He used his hand to press Tsukishima’s head into his neck where he breathed in their scent and immediately relaxed. “What’s wrong? You were agitated in your sleep.”

“Just a nightmare.”

“Want to tell me about it?”

“Not really. It’s fine.”

Kuroo hesitated. “If you’re sure…”

“I just want to sleep.”

“Of course.” Kuroo slid down under the covers, dragging Tsukishima with him until he rested with his head on his chest. He was finally able to get some sleep. 

Kuroo got to spend the New Year with them and he had an additional two weeks off, but at the end of that time he had to return to work. 

Well, it wasn’t like it had to, the laws granted him a year off, but he was worried if he did he’d lose his position. It was a hard conversation to have, but one they had planned for. It still didn’t make it easier for them the morning he woke up and got ready for work. 

Naoyuki was sleeping peacefully, unaware of the swirl of emotions around the room. 

“I don’t want to go. But it’s best for us if I do. But I’ll be home early. And once I get some time in, I’ll take a week or two off.”

“I know. I’m just...worried.”

“About what?”

“That…” he scowled. “That I won’t be good enough by myself.”

“Hey, Moonshine. Where is all this doubt coming from? There’s no way you’re not good enough. You’re a great mom. You got this. And if you need me, call. I’ll answer even if I’m in the middle of a meeting. And once the volleyball season is officially over, I’m taking more time off to be with you and Nao. Okay?”

“Mmm.”

He kissed him on the forehead, grabbed his bag, and left. 

Tsukishima sighed as soon as the door was closed. At least he got to see him in suits again, so that was nice. 

While Naoyuki was sleeping, he tried to clean the apartment. There was work he could do from home, so he sat down to get it started, but as soon as he did, Naoyuki wailed from the bedroom. 

“Hai, hai.” He said. At least he’d gotten a little more sleep. And he had picked up the apartment. Now he could focus on doing what he could for Naoyuki. 

By the end of the week, Tsukishima was exhausted. He tried his hardest to keep it together when Kuroo was home. He was working so hard and then coming home to help with the baby. But being with him all day, alone, was so much work. Naoyuki slept in short bursts and woke up crying. The sound was grating on his nerves and he wanted more than anything to put on his noise cancelling headphones and block out everything. But if he did that, he wouldn’t hear the baby and he could get hurt. So he bore the exhaustion as best he could. 

He was starting to fall asleep in the tub every time Kuroo urged him to bathe. It was the only time of the day he got some space for himself, and he reveled in it. 

But was it wrong? Was it wrong of him to want his own space? 

At night Kuroo slept deeply, his head buried in the pillows. It was rare for him to hear the baby anymore, and Tsukishima dragged himself from the depths of his nightmares to feed and otherwise tend to Naoyuki. Not getting a solid eight hours of sleep was going to kill him. 

A month after Naoyuki was born, Tsukishima’s team had their first game. He wanted to be there to support his team, but Kuroo was out of town for the day and he didn’t know how Nao would handle it. 

Ah well. He’d go and if Nao cried, he would leave. He hadn’t seen anyone since he’d been born and he was...well, he was lonely without Kuroo home all the time.

Naoyuki did surprisingly well at the game. Despite the noise, he hardly made a sound. He looked around and from his sling stared up at Tsukishima. It was a beautiful moment and for once he felt himself able to take a breath. 

So when the team won and he met them in the locker rooms, he was smiling. 

“Hey! Tsukki’s here!” Koganegawa called from where he stood in a towel. He nearly tripped over everything in his rush to see him. “Aww, look at him! He’s so cute and little, and he’s wearing your number! He’s bigger than the picture.”

“He better be. He’s supposed to be growing.”

Kyotani came over and peered into the sling. “Wow, cute. That’s kinda cool what you did.”

Tsukishima snorted. “Congratulations on the win.”

“Hard one, but we pulled through. Would have been easier with you,” another teammate said. 

“You gonna come back?” Mishima asked from his locker. 

“Ah...I haven’t decided yet. I mean, I want to. But I need to talk to my mate about it. See what we would be able to do for childcare.”

“Just bring him to practice!” Koganegawa said as he dropped the towel confidently and pulled on his shorts. Tsukishima looked away and rolled his eyes.

“You can’t just bring a baby to practice. One stray ball…I don’t even want to think about it.”

He stayed and talked with them some more until Naoyuki started to cry. All of the alphas and betas on the team looked uncomfortable and awkward while the two omegas, one of the liberos and another opposite hitter like Kyotani came over. 

“What is it about babies crying and omegas?” Koganegawa asked. 

Their libero glared at him. “Look, it’s a baby and it’s cute. Why don’t you want to comfort him?”

“Not a fan of crying babies.”

“All babies cry,” Kyotani pointed out. “Good thing you’ll never have one.”

“Hey! Who said I wouldn’t?” 

“What person would want you?”

“Are you trying to start something?”

Tsukishima sighed while some of their teammates got between their argument. “I’m going to get out. By guys.”

“See ya, Tsukki!”

The chaos resumed as soon as he walked out the door. 

For the next three days he was in a relatively good mood. Seeing his teammates had energized him. Naoyuki seemed to be sleeping longer, and Kuroo had suggested they move the bassinet to his side of the bed for a few minutes. 

Tsukishima still woke up whenever Nao cried, but all he did was nudge Kuroo awake and let him take care of the baby before falling back into blissful sleep. 

Even his mother remarked on his good mood and when they visited Akaashi and Bokuto with Naoyuki so that Keijirou could finally meet him, he felt… happy. 

Tsukishima held Naoyuki in his arms in a way that allowed Keijirou to peer down at him. He stared at Naoyuki and the baby cooed and stared back at him. 

Keijirou shyly put two fingers in his mouth and sucked, reaching one arm up to Akaashi, who was sitting next to Tsukishima, gesturing to be picked up. Akaashi did and Keijirou put his head on his shoulder, still watching Nao, still sucking his fingers. 

“Brother?” he asked. 

“No, not your brother. Friend.”

“Cousin,” Bokuto interrupted. 

“Yeah, cousin,” Kuroo agreed. 

“You’re going to confuse him.” Tsukishima frowned and leveled at glare at Kuroo. 

“Play?” Keijirou asked again.

“He’s too little,” Tsukishima said, and when Keijirou sniffed and his eyes watered, he hastened to add, “but soon.”

That seemed to settle him down until a few minutes later he was squirming. “Hold baby?”

Tsukishima glanced up at Akaashi who shrugged. “It’s up to you. We can settle them on the couch and support them both. 

“Okay.” 

Between the two of them they got the boys situated. Keijirou sat on the couch between them, his back pressed against the couch and arms stretched out flat against his lap. Tsukishima shifted Naoyuki into Keijirou’s arms, making sure to support his head. On the other side, Akaashi had his arm stretched out to keep Nao on his son’s lap. Keijirou’s face lit up when he looked down. Naoyuki’s lip twitched as if he were trying to smile. 

Several clicks caught his attention and he looked up to see Bokuto and Kuroo, cell phones out, snapping pictures. 

“This is so precious!” Bokuto sniffed. “Keiiiiji, please can we have another one?”

“Babies are not pets, Koutarou.” 

“But-“

“Another time.”

Bokuto sighed and resumed taking pictures.

They had a good dinner, the six of them, and Tsukishima thought it was kinda funny how it went from the four of them to the addition of kids. Tsukishima was able to eat and feed Nao at the same time thanks to having mastered the sling he’d been given, and given who they were around, he didn’t feel embarrassed. Kuroo kept smiling proudly at him and he just raised an eyebrow, wondering what made him so happy. 

Keijirou was feeding himself, holding a small plastic fork made for his hands. He couldn’t quite stab the small pieces of chicken, so he would pick them up with his fingers, poke it onto the fork, and then bite it off. Every time he did he looked to Bokuto who was sure to praise him. 

“You’re spoiling him,” Akaashi said, exasperated.

“But he’s my little man and he’s growing up so fast! I want like ten kids.”

Akaashi blanched. “Ten is far too many.”

Kuroo laughed. “You going to have your own volleyball team, bro?”

“I mean it would be fun.”

Akaashi sighed. Tsukishima smiled and sympathized with him. 

Eventually Naoyuki stopped nursing and he fell asleep, one small, warm hand still pressed against Tsukishima’s chest. He hoped it would sleep through the ride home.

No such luck. A short time later Keijirou had decided he wasn’t going to eat his carrots and he threw them on the floor. When Akaashi gently scolded him for the mess, he let out a wail. Giant tears streamed down his cheeks as he choked out sobs completely disproportionate to the issue at hand. It startled Naoyuki out of his sleep and he echoed the crying. 

“Sorry,” Akaashi said, trying to clean up Keijirou.

“Yeah, he didn’t nap today. I think he’s run out of steam.”

“Definitely overtired,” Akaashi added. 

It was a good thing they were done eating because they couldn’t get Keijirou to settle down, and with him screaming, Naoyuki wouldn’t stop. 

“Sorry,” Bokuto said, rubbing the back of his head.

“It’s fine. It’s not like we aren’t going to have some of that coming up soon.”

“Ha! That’s true.”

They said their goodbyes and got Naoyuki settled in the car. As soon as they started driving, he fell asleep. 

“As easy as that,” Tsukishima said with a sigh.

They drove home in silence, enjoying a rare moment of quiet between them that wasn’t focused solely on Naoyuki. When they got home, as soon as Tsukishima put the carrier down, Kuroo was tugging him towards the bedroom. 

“What are you doing?”

“We haven’t had time for just us since before he was born.”

“We can’t just leave him in his carrier,” Tsukishima hissed. 

“Sure we can. Don’t you remember Akaashi doing it when he came to visit with Keijirou was a baby? He let him sleep in the carrier. Babe, you don’t have to hold him all the time.”

“Let me settle him in his bed, then.”

“He’ll just wake up when you move him. Besides. What I have planned for us is not for kid eyes.”

Tsukishima flushed. Kuroo brought his carrier closer to the bedroom to make him feel at ease. Once they were alone, he pulled him closer by the hips and kissed him hungrily. 

“Wait-“ Tsukishima tried to say, but his words were eaten as Kuroo pushed him towards their bed. “Tetsu, stop.”

“What? Why? We haven’t had sex since before Naoyuki. And I get that you had to heal and all that but...don’t you want to?”

Kuroo looked hurt. It wasn’t that Tsukishima didn’t want to. He did. Kind of. Maybe. But he was uncomfortable. He tried hard to keep himself clothed as much as possible around him because of the changes in his body. Sure, it was going back to what it was like before he had Nao, but it wasn’t there yet and he hated the way his stomach looked once it started to flatten again. It wasn’t like it was before. It wasn’t that he’d been obsessed with body image before, and he wasn’t vain, but...he wasn’t the same. It made him uncomfortable and if it made him uncomfortable to look at himself, how would Kuroo feel? 

“Moonshine, talk to me.” 

“I don’t like how my body looks right now. It makes me uncomfortable.”

“Why didn’t you say something before?”

“Tch. Because it’s stupid.”

“It isn’t stupid if it upsets you.”

“I just…I don’t want you to be grossed out…”

“Kei, how could I get grossed out by you? You had a baby. Of course your body is going to change. To me it’s not an issue. I still love you. You’d still love me if I changed, right?”

Tsukishima scowled. “Of course. Don’t be stupid.”

“Well, there you go. So let me take care of you and make you feel good, okay? Just close your eyes.”

So he did. He wouldn’t have to see Kuroo’s reactions to his body so it wouldn’t hurt when he made a face. His glasses were removed, and then his pants. Kuroo left the shirt on longer, making him feel a little more comfortable. Still, he felt the kisses through his shirt leading down to his slowly interested dick. 

Kuroo greedily sucked him down while lubed fingers - where the hell had that even come from? - prepared him. He fell back on the bed. Biting the sleeve of his shirt to keep quiet. He didn’t want to wake Nao. Especially not at this moment, when he was so close to coming. 

Apparently Kuroo had other ideas, though, because he lewdly popped off and Tsukishima immediately shined in frustration. Kuroo helped him remove his shirt, tugged off his own clothes, and kissed down his body. He stopped and nuzzled into his stomach like he did before Naoyuki was born. 

“Crazy to not like this,” he said, peppering kisses all over until Tsukishima was biting back a laugh. 

The sex was languid at first, like they had all the time in the world. They didn’t, but it was nice to think so and to revel in the moment they had. In the end, it was rushed and breathless, and when Tsukishima came he collapsed against the bed in pure exhaustion. 

“Mmm...we needed that,” Kuroo said, nuzzling against his neck and sucking on his scent gland. 

“Yeah, we did.”

Naoyuki started to wake outside and Tsukishima sighed. 

“You sleep. I’ll take care of him.”

He wasn’t going to say no to an offer like that. Frankly it was the sexiest thing Kuroo could have said just then. And while Kuroo cleaned, got dressed, and went to tend Nao, Tsukishima thought he was the luckiest man in the world. 

  
  
  



	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo goes on a business trip. Tsukishima has a breakdown. Akaashi comes to the rescue and the two have a heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: post-partum depression. 
> 
> This is the end of the angst, I promise. This chapter was hard to write because I have person experience with seeing the effects of PPD. All of what is written in here I have seen first hand. It’s a hard topic that no one talks about. 
> 
> After this, though, it gets easier. 
> 
> While you are here, I have some amazing things to share. Some readers made fanart (!!!!!) of the story and it’s amazing. I’m including the links through the story. Here is one for... Hime. By Rin Tan
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/CI1bUqtAjt5/?igshid=2frl302pfc6r

His good mood lasted only a week. Kuroo got posted to an assignment after one of his colleagues fell sick and they needed him to travel. Kuroo didn’t want to leave, it was clear from his frustration as he packed his bag. Tsukishima was holding Naoyuki on his sling, watching him as he did. 

“I’ll quit,” he muttered.

“You’re not quitting your job.” Tsukishima rolled his eyes. “You’ve gone on trips before, it’s fine.”

“I haven’t since Nao was born.”

“It had to happen some time.”

“Yeah, but not before he’s even two months.”

“I’ll be fine. I promise.”

“Maybe you should go stay with your mom. Or I can have Akaashi come and visit.”

“I said I’m fine!” he snapped, startling Naoyuki who started to cry. He sighed and shushed him, patting him through the cloth sling. “I’m…I’m more than capable of taking care of him myself.”

Kuroo stared at him. “I...didn’t mean to imply you’re not. Kei, you’re a great mom. I’m just worried that it’s too much too soon.”

“I’ll be fine. If I can’t handle it I’ll call someone. But Akaashi has his hands full with two kids of his own.” When Kuroo looked at him with an eyebrow raised, he waved a hand. “Bokuto.”

“Ah, yes. Well, there is that. Though Bo is gone more often because it’s the end of the season.”

He had to catch the train before dinner, and he promised to grab something at the station and call when he got to his hotel. With a quick kiss to Naoyuki’s forehead and a longer kiss for Tsukishima, he was out the door. 

Tsukishima sighed and looked down at Naoyuki who gurgled and stared up at him. 

“Daddy will be home soon. Until then it’s just us. Let’s get along, ok?”

Naoyuki responded by kicking one leg out. 

Two days into Kuroo’s trip, Tsukishima had a breakdown. It was such a small trigger when he thought of it later, but it was enough to send him over the edge. 

He’d been trying to work and Naoyuki was fussing. So, he did what he had done countless other times: put him in the sling, got him settled to feed, and got back to work. He was getting good at that. And it was going fine until Naoyuki hiccuped and spit everything back up on Tsukishima’s chest. 

It shouldn’t have been a big deal. If Kuroo was home to take care of Naoyuki while he took a shower it would have been fine. But Kuroo wasn’t there and he had to clean Naoyuki first.

The liquid was hot and sticky on his chest as it dried, and it smelled. He knew it was from his own body but it was gross. As he was cleaning up Nao and getting him settled, his eyes started watering. Once Naoyuki was laying in his bed he had started crying. 

And he couldn’t turn it off. 

He needed to get clean but he couldn’t bathe with Naoyuki still awake. He shouldn’t even bathe with him asleep. What if something happened to him? Kuroo would never forgive him. He’d never forgive _himself._ So he did the best he could do. He grabbed a washcloth, wet it, and wiped himself down. By the time Naoyuki settled, he was exhausted. So he lay down and decided to sleep. Might as well sleep when he slept or he’d never get any again. 

It went on for three days. Naoyuki woke often at night. He cried and fussed and Tsukishima’s body was slowing down in producing milk, so instead of grabbing Naoyuki and staying in bed to feed him, he had to get up, make a bottle, and by the time he got back with it, he was awake. Naoyuki of course fell asleep while feeding. And then he had to clean the mess he made before crashing back into bed. 

It was 24/7. Without Kuroo there to take over at night or to cook breakfast and dinner, he was run down. He didn’t cook. He was too tired. Breakfast was a piece of bread. For dinner he was lucky if he was able to throw some rice in the rice cooker and eat it. Oftentimes Naoyuki needed him for something before he could finish, and then it sat there, forgotten. Bathing? Forget it. He hadn’t bathed in three days. He was too worried. What if Naoyuki cried and he didn’t hear it? What if he fell asleep in the tub and couldn’t wake up? What if he somehow fell and Naoyuki was left alone while he was hurt on the floor? There were too many what ifs. The best he could manage was brushing his teeth and splashing water on his face. 

When Kuroo called, though, he put on a brave face. He was busy with work and couldn’t come home. Logistically Tsukishima knew this so he tried to adopt his normal tone and convince his mate that it was all fine. 

“How’s Nao doing?” 

_Why can’t you ask how I’m doing first?_ “He’s fine. A little fussy now and then. But he’s napping well. How’s work?”

“Long hours, meeting a lot of new people and making contacts.”

“That’s great. Trying to get some work done here, too.”

“How are you doing.”

“Fine,” he lied. “We’re doing fine here.”

There was hesitation. There shouldn’t be. With this distance he wouldn’t be able to feel the lie. 

“So...listen, they want me to stay another few days. I guess there’s going to be some meeting with big shots and they want me to be there. But if you need me I can explain and come home.”

_Please come home, I can’t do this myself._ “If it’s for your job, you should be there.” 

“Are you sure? I promise it’s only for two days at most. And then I’ll take the earliest train I can.”

“I can always call my mom, right? Don’t worry about us.” 

“I’ll always worry about you. I’m your mate. It’s basically in my genetics.”

Tsukishima smiled a little at that. “Well, if that’s the reason you’re worrying, I guess it can’t be helped.”

“Nope. And you mated me so it’s your fault I’m like this. I gotta get back to work, but I love you. Give love to Nao for me?”

“Of course.”

He hung up the phone and pushed down his distress at being alone two more days. He could do it, though. He had no choice. 

He couldn’t do it.

He struggled to get out of bed the next day. He managed to, for Naoyuki’s sake, but the moment he was done eating, he put him back in his bassinet and crawled back into bed. The cycle repeated itself. He didn’t bother to get dressed. He felt...numb. 

He was sleeping, deeply, when a hand in his shoulder startled him and he lashed out. It was dark in the room and Naoyuki was crying.

“Tsukishima, are you okay?” The soothing voice and scent of Akaashi surrounded him and he broke. 

“No,” he croaked out honestly. “I’m not okay.”

“Why didn’t you call me? I’d have come right over.”

“Not your problem.”

“You’re my friend. And friends lean on each other. Omegas lean on each other.” Akaashi leaned down and touched his forehead. “You’re burning up. You must be touch starved, too.”

“I’ve been holding Nao all week.”

“It’s not the same. Come on. Let’s get you up. When’s the last time you showered?”

“Few days ago.”

“Why?”

“Didn’t want to leave Nao alone.”

“In the future, he’ll be fine in his carrier. Just pop him in it with a toy on the handle. He can cry a little if he needs to. It won’t hurt him.” Akaashi leaned over the bassinet and scooped the still crying Naoyuki up. “Come on. Let’s get you into the shower and a hot bath. I’ll watch over Nao.” He stared when Tsukishima managed to get out of bed. “When is the last time you ate a decent meal?” Tsukishima shrugged. “I’ll add food to the list.”

“You don’t need to take care of me. I don’t want to be a burden.”

“Friends are not a burden.”

Tsukishima had no choice but to comply with Akaashi’s demands. Not only was he perceptive, but he was persuasive. 

Washing the grime off his body made him feel better. The hot water on his skin and the scent of the gentle soap eased away the pain of the days. When he was finally able to climb into the tub, he let out a moan. Pain he didn’t know he had let itself be known as his tense muscles eased under the influence of the hot water. It was hard for him not to doze in the water, so he did. He let himself relax. If Akaashi didn’t mind watching Nao, then…maybe he should just let him. 

His thoughts drifted as he slipped lower into the water. What would Kuroo say when he found out? Was Akaashi calling him right now? Would Kuroo rush home despite work and get in trouble? Would he be angry with him? He’d wanted to handle this himself. Prove he was strong enough to take care of himself and his own baby. Prove he was the same strong, independent omega he had been as a teenager. Apparently he failed at that. 

“Tsukishima?” He blinked sleepily at Akaashi, who was crouched down at his side. “You fell asleep. I didn’t want to leave you in the bath. Naoyuki is sleeping and I made dinner. It’s still hot.”

“I’ll be right there.”

Akaashi left and he climbed out of the tub. His muscles felt loose and relaxed for the first time in days. He dried off and dressed in the clean clothes that had magically appeared, though likely from Akaashi, and put them on. The clean clothes felt amazing. 

Dinner was waiting at the table. Naoyuki was nowhere to be seen and at the look on his face, Akaashi nodded toward his bedroom. “I gave him a bottle. He’s back out. I made curry.”

“Thank you. You didn’t have to.”

“Not a problem. Besides, it’s instant, so it’s not like I did much,” Akaashi said with a smirk.

They sat at the table and ate. Akaashi kept filling his glass of water and he alternated between that and tea. He hadn’t realized how parched he had been. 

“Does Bokuto know you’re here?”

“Yes. He’s going to watch Keijirou tonight.”

“Tonight?”

“I’m staying here for the night.”

“That’s really not necessary.”

“Hmm. If you say so.”

Tsukishima scowled, but what use was it in arguing with Akaashi? Besides. He’d already admitted it. He needed help.

“Kuroo-san called me. He told me he had to work another two days and was worried about you. I agreed to stop in. I brought a change of clothes just in case.”

“I’m sorry to be an inconvenience.”

“You’re not. This is what friends do.” As they finished, Akaashi sat back and looked at the ceiling. “When I had Keijirou, the first two months were hard. He cried a lot. Koutarou was in the middle of his season with the Jackals so he was away for games frequently. I struggled. There were some days I could barely get out of bed. I felt like having him had been a bad decision. That I didn’t understand exactly what went into having and raising a kid, and I was completely lost. I...I didn’t _hate_ Keijirou...but I...god help me, I despised him. Every time he needed to eat I felt such disgust. And it didn’t happen at first. The first week was good. I was on a cloud of endorphins. And then I felt bitter. Koutarou was so proud and doting. I think I was feeling jealous.” He snorted. “Imagine feeling jealous of a newborn.” 

Tsukishima listened silently, completely stunned by the revelation. He’d had no idea. 

“Every feeding was repulsive. Every diaper change I thought about how my life had turned into spit up and shit. One time I was changing him and he peed on me. I had been strong whenever Koutarou was around because I didn’t want him to think there was something wrong with me, but he was home when I had that breakdown. He stepped up and took over for a few days and then handed Keijirou off to my parents so we could just be together a few days. It felt wrong to do that but I needed it. Maybe if I had done it sooner things wouldn’t have gotten so bad.” 

“I didn’t know.”

“No, because no one talks about it. They talk about the wonderful parts, but not the hard ones. I would never taken back having Keijirou now, but back then… It’s why I keep putting Koutarou off on having more kids. I think he must have forgotten what it was like for me. I don’t want to go through that again. I do want another, but it’s scary. But you’re not alone, Kei. You don’t have to hold everything in. You can’t.”

That night, after Naoyuki had a bath and was settled in bed, they relaxed on the sofa. When Tsukishima couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore, the two of them got ready for bed. Akaashi crawled into the bed on Kuroo’s side after Tsukishima was in and pulled him into his arms. His sweet scent immediately filled the air, putting Tsukishima at ease. He allowed himself to be wrapped up in the warmth and comfort of another omega and had the best night of sleep since Naoyuki had been born. 

* * *


End file.
